Maybe more like 250 lb weakling . Fine . 258 lb. weakling .
We have a digital scale so it doesn't have one of those spinny things on the front edge to adjust it with . That was a magic button back in the day . How smart are we that we'd spin that ol' button to be five pounds off , KNOW it was five pounds off and step on the scale and smile . "Well lookie there! Down 5 pounds! Hey honey, come look at this!" And somehow , on some retarded inner level we believe we're down five .
I used to do sorta the same thing with my alarm clock . Set it 15 minutes off so when the alarm went off in the morning I knew I had 15 more minutes than what actually showed . Brilliant . I'd figured out time travel and the space time continum stuff by age 15 . Who knew it would come down to a little button on the side of the clock .
I went to a men's meeting this past weekend . A retreat really . A Friday through Sunday sorta thing where you go to away to some camp ground to meet and eat for 48 hours . Everybody says they like these things . Especially wives . " Please Jesus , it's cheaper for me to send him to YOU this weekend than to call a lawyer so PLEASE throttle the jerk and . . . ". We try to do this once a year 'cause . . . it's good for us ? Makes us better men ? I guess . Anybody remember Promise Keepers ? How long is the boost supposed to last ? If I get pulled over for DUI on the way home do I get my money back ?
At church on Sunday , still smelling of camp fire and beef the pastor say's we all had an awesome time and "you men that didn't make it sure missed out". I guess .
I used to LOVE to go to these things but the ones of late felt like a waste . Not to most but for me for sure . I'm almost certain it has to do with me and and not God . Last year I was in a very bad place and it was awful to be there . And it was a great meeting . Plenty of help there if I'd have just asked . Lots of Gods men there . It just didn't click . This year though I'm fine . I'm not in a bad place , just in an 'I don't care about much mood' with a side of a selfish outlook . Ok . That's a bad place . I went .
I read the guy's book before so I wasn't wowed or touched when he gave his speeches though they were good . To be fair I don't get much from any speaker because my mind wanders off after 5 minutes and doesn't come back until the 3rd verse of ' Just As I Am ' . I like it when you get to fill in blanks as you go along . I feel like I'm taking notes though really the speaker did all the work except for one or two words per line . Kinda like the coloring page the kids get at the restaurant . And some adults . Something to do .
"What do you delight about in me? What do you enjoy about me Dad ?" This was one of 3 questions he gave us to pray on and see what God said . I missed the other 2 because I was writing the whole dang sentence instead of filling in a blank . "I enjoy and delight that you are quiet . That you often don't know what to say . You're my wallflower ." I cried as I walked to the park bench to pray . He didn't give me a chance to open my mouth , He just blurted it out . I cried 'cause that's not who I want to be .
" Strong men do strong things . Weak men do God things . 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me ." You sat there on the couch last night Mark feeling like a wall flower and despising it , Uncomfortable in you're weakness and wishing you were a strong man . Yes, I gave you the desire to talk and prattle on but not much ability . I don't want them to see a strong man . I want them to see Me . My love . My kindness . My delight Mark , is you . You weakling . Now about that 258 lbs . . . . ."
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Election
I'm old . I know this because I don't read the comics anymore .
I mentioned once my dad was a smoker . He got up every morning around 5:30 and sat at the kitchen table and smoked . Light one and smoke it down and light the next off of that one . He just sat there and did it , staring off into the distance , which was about 10 feet . It was a small kitchen . He'd do this until he heard the faint thump in the front yard which signaled the arrival of the newspaper . You remember those . Big paper things people look at when they can't get a wifi signal ? It was my job to go fetch it which was just fine as I needed the fresh air . That and our dog was too retarded to fetch anything .
I only read the comics . Too many words made my head hurt so it helped to have pictures to go along with them . If they'd have had math comics , I mighta passed . The comics were good until politics intruded . I think it was because of all the buzz coming out of my dads mouth about that "crook Nixon". And all that was on the news was Watergate this and Watergate that . And now it was showing up in my comics . Can't grown ups leave us alone ?
I don't like politics . It makes my head hurt too . Maybe because they invaded my comics . Like grown ups peeing on the kiddie pool . Just wrong .
I have a smallish mind and have a difficult time figuring things out . Paper or plastic . Half caf or decaf . Would you like fries with that ? Keynesian vs supply side economics ? Ok the fry thing is a no brainer . I try , I really do , to figure out our government and country and it's people and what's best for us . We as a country and a people are so big and vast and are SO interconnected and I sit and think and ponder and my mind ususlly goes back to , well , the fries .
I think about God some . And politics . What does He think ? Of the kingdom we have here I mean and the system we set up to run it . I think He's a democrat .
"Attention ! We interrupt this blog before it gets any worse"
Sorry. I haven't written in so long I forgot something along the way. Re-reading, I feel I owe you a refund. Come see me at church on Sunday .
What I was trying to get to at the end of this blog is that there is a kingdom without borders and time in which I am privileged to live . A kingdom of love . Built by my Dad . It too, has a 2 party system and there is a vote every day . And it is to my shame that most days I vote the Mark party without consideration of my . . . . I wanted to say my opponent . Rival . But He's not . Right? I might be afraid to answer that . Truth is most day I wake up and assume the throne with so little regard to Him and His desires for His kingdom that I'm amazed that I'm not a pile of ashes .
At this point I'm supposed to say I don't want it this way but my actions speak louder than words . Oi vey ! Maybe I'm not as bad as I'm sounding but I'm worse than you think . I'm not sure what He thinks . Probably should find out .
There's an election in a few day and come January there'll be an old or new guy on the throne running the country the way he thinks best and it will work or it wont . I'll do my civic service and vote and then try to be a good citizen for the benefit of my neighbor and my country . And all the while I'll be wondering why I give so much time and attention to a kingdom that will pass away and so much less to the eternal one .
I hope tomorrow I don't get the vote . I hope I smart enough , wise enough to give it to Him . My Dad . My King .I hope the right Guy gets elected . . . .
I mentioned once my dad was a smoker . He got up every morning around 5:30 and sat at the kitchen table and smoked . Light one and smoke it down and light the next off of that one . He just sat there and did it , staring off into the distance , which was about 10 feet . It was a small kitchen . He'd do this until he heard the faint thump in the front yard which signaled the arrival of the newspaper . You remember those . Big paper things people look at when they can't get a wifi signal ? It was my job to go fetch it which was just fine as I needed the fresh air . That and our dog was too retarded to fetch anything .
I only read the comics . Too many words made my head hurt so it helped to have pictures to go along with them . If they'd have had math comics , I mighta passed . The comics were good until politics intruded . I think it was because of all the buzz coming out of my dads mouth about that "crook Nixon". And all that was on the news was Watergate this and Watergate that . And now it was showing up in my comics . Can't grown ups leave us alone ?
I don't like politics . It makes my head hurt too . Maybe because they invaded my comics . Like grown ups peeing on the kiddie pool . Just wrong .
I have a smallish mind and have a difficult time figuring things out . Paper or plastic . Half caf or decaf . Would you like fries with that ? Keynesian vs supply side economics ? Ok the fry thing is a no brainer . I try , I really do , to figure out our government and country and it's people and what's best for us . We as a country and a people are so big and vast and are SO interconnected and I sit and think and ponder and my mind ususlly goes back to , well , the fries .
I think about God some . And politics . What does He think ? Of the kingdom we have here I mean and the system we set up to run it . I think He's a democrat .
"Attention ! We interrupt this blog before it gets any worse"
Sorry. I haven't written in so long I forgot something along the way. Re-reading, I feel I owe you a refund. Come see me at church on Sunday .
What I was trying to get to at the end of this blog is that there is a kingdom without borders and time in which I am privileged to live . A kingdom of love . Built by my Dad . It too, has a 2 party system and there is a vote every day . And it is to my shame that most days I vote the Mark party without consideration of my . . . . I wanted to say my opponent . Rival . But He's not . Right? I might be afraid to answer that . Truth is most day I wake up and assume the throne with so little regard to Him and His desires for His kingdom that I'm amazed that I'm not a pile of ashes .
At this point I'm supposed to say I don't want it this way but my actions speak louder than words . Oi vey ! Maybe I'm not as bad as I'm sounding but I'm worse than you think . I'm not sure what He thinks . Probably should find out .
There's an election in a few day and come January there'll be an old or new guy on the throne running the country the way he thinks best and it will work or it wont . I'll do my civic service and vote and then try to be a good citizen for the benefit of my neighbor and my country . And all the while I'll be wondering why I give so much time and attention to a kingdom that will pass away and so much less to the eternal one .
I hope tomorrow I don't get the vote . I hope I smart enough , wise enough to give it to Him . My Dad . My King .I hope the right Guy gets elected . . . .
Friday, June 29, 2012
Pinball Whizzer
I went to summer school once . In 4th grade . I had trouble catching on to the whole grading system thing that year because to that point we were graded with smiley faces and satisfactory's and whether we showed up or not and I ALWAYS got smiley faces 'cause my teachers thought I was hot for an 8 year old . I'm pretty sure I remember this right .
A , B , C , D and F . It took me the better part of a year to figure out the A's and B's were what moms and dads were hoping for and the D's and F's were the fast track to foster care . I knew I wasn't going to get the first two because I wasn't a girl and the C was out because you have to do SOMETHING at least . So I hovered around the F level until it was too late to do anything about it . I didn't think all of this grade stuff would matter and thought this was all bogus anyway 'cause they left out the E . Ha . Educators .
Mom and us kids went to Virginia and North Carolina for a month every summer to see the relatives . Always so much fun except for the time my cousins Allen and Stewart saw that I had pink eye and told me I was gonna die . I cried 'cause I didn't want to die just yet and I wanted to see what all this 4th grade business was about . Then my cousin Ann came to my rescue and saved me from my fate and I fell in love . Yeah she was my cousin but that's how we do it down south .
This summer though I was left behind with my dad who never went on vacation . With 4 kids , having them go away WAS vacation . And to my horror they made me go to school . In SUMMER . But only until lunch and then I'd go home to an empty house because , as I would later learn , grown ups work in the summer . I still have a hard time with this . So I had all afternoon to play with friends who were . . . too tired from playing all MORNING . So I ended up going to the Majik Market (who remembers those?) and playing pinball until I ran out of the meager funds I had . I'm not sure how I got money in the first place but it ran out in a week and I was left to ponder how more was aquired .
My dad smoked Winston cigarettes . 2 packs a day , rain or shine . But on those days he had a cold he smoked Salem menthol cigarettes because we all know the medical benefits of smoking MENTHOL cigarettes when you're sick ! For some reason he kept them in the freezer until sickness reared it head and out they'd come . I tried them that summer . Well , I tried one . I put 'em back on account of my face was the same green as the pack and I began to doubt their curative powers .
I did find however the stack of money mom kept frozen there . Because no burglar would think to look in the freezer . I took a $20 . If you're good a 20 spot will get you a lot of time with the pinball machine . If you're 8 and flunked 4th grade you get a 2 hours . I was going to take another twenty and maybe give the Salems another try but for whatever reason didn't . I did manage to to find friends with ample supplies of quarters and squandered their wealth as well and , in the process , somehow passed summer school . Life wasn't too bad .
Until dad found out . Apparently he counts cigarettes . And 20's . Turns out he keeps HIS stash there too . Moms was further in the back under the lamb chops . Dang . He looked at the cigarettes and held 'em out to me . "Have another boy . . . " he smirked . I didn't want one . He didn't offer me another $20 . He got mad and scolded me for "Pissing away all your money" . And his too . On gosh darn pinball . I didn't go out much after that .
As I was thinking about this memory today I thought about my life and how it's kinda the same sometimes . I don't put into this life God gave me all the effort I should . I don't pay attention . I don't ask questions . I waste His money . And sometimes , some days , my grade is an F and not the A I long for . He said "I've entrusted you with so much , talent and ability, My Spirit , My love . I gave you time . Yours and others and you piss it away playing games . " Well , He didn't really say that but it goes with the title . You get the gist . And I get it too . I HAVE been entrusted with so much and as a man I should be better because I AM better . Holy Spirit lives in me and THAT makes me better . Not by might , not by power but by His Spirit . I just seem to waste His best efforts . But I'll keep workin' it out . Because He is worthy .
I'm in summer school . Again . It's cool though. I'm gonna get an A .
A , B , C , D and F . It took me the better part of a year to figure out the A's and B's were what moms and dads were hoping for and the D's and F's were the fast track to foster care . I knew I wasn't going to get the first two because I wasn't a girl and the C was out because you have to do SOMETHING at least . So I hovered around the F level until it was too late to do anything about it . I didn't think all of this grade stuff would matter and thought this was all bogus anyway 'cause they left out the E . Ha . Educators .
Mom and us kids went to Virginia and North Carolina for a month every summer to see the relatives . Always so much fun except for the time my cousins Allen and Stewart saw that I had pink eye and told me I was gonna die . I cried 'cause I didn't want to die just yet and I wanted to see what all this 4th grade business was about . Then my cousin Ann came to my rescue and saved me from my fate and I fell in love . Yeah she was my cousin but that's how we do it down south .
This summer though I was left behind with my dad who never went on vacation . With 4 kids , having them go away WAS vacation . And to my horror they made me go to school . In SUMMER . But only until lunch and then I'd go home to an empty house because , as I would later learn , grown ups work in the summer . I still have a hard time with this . So I had all afternoon to play with friends who were . . . too tired from playing all MORNING . So I ended up going to the Majik Market (who remembers those?) and playing pinball until I ran out of the meager funds I had . I'm not sure how I got money in the first place but it ran out in a week and I was left to ponder how more was aquired .
My dad smoked Winston cigarettes . 2 packs a day , rain or shine . But on those days he had a cold he smoked Salem menthol cigarettes because we all know the medical benefits of smoking MENTHOL cigarettes when you're sick ! For some reason he kept them in the freezer until sickness reared it head and out they'd come . I tried them that summer . Well , I tried one . I put 'em back on account of my face was the same green as the pack and I began to doubt their curative powers .
I did find however the stack of money mom kept frozen there . Because no burglar would think to look in the freezer . I took a $20 . If you're good a 20 spot will get you a lot of time with the pinball machine . If you're 8 and flunked 4th grade you get a 2 hours . I was going to take another twenty and maybe give the Salems another try but for whatever reason didn't . I did manage to to find friends with ample supplies of quarters and squandered their wealth as well and , in the process , somehow passed summer school . Life wasn't too bad .
Until dad found out . Apparently he counts cigarettes . And 20's . Turns out he keeps HIS stash there too . Moms was further in the back under the lamb chops . Dang . He looked at the cigarettes and held 'em out to me . "Have another boy . . . " he smirked . I didn't want one . He didn't offer me another $20 . He got mad and scolded me for "Pissing away all your money" . And his too . On gosh darn pinball . I didn't go out much after that .
As I was thinking about this memory today I thought about my life and how it's kinda the same sometimes . I don't put into this life God gave me all the effort I should . I don't pay attention . I don't ask questions . I waste His money . And sometimes , some days , my grade is an F and not the A I long for . He said "I've entrusted you with so much , talent and ability, My Spirit , My love . I gave you time . Yours and others and you piss it away playing games . " Well , He didn't really say that but it goes with the title . You get the gist . And I get it too . I HAVE been entrusted with so much and as a man I should be better because I AM better . Holy Spirit lives in me and THAT makes me better . Not by might , not by power but by His Spirit . I just seem to waste His best efforts . But I'll keep workin' it out . Because He is worthy .
I'm in summer school . Again . It's cool though. I'm gonna get an A .
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Lost in Publix
I hope they have a Publix in Heaven.
I like to shop . For food , not clothes . I was in Walmart yesterday and they had racks and racks of clothes on clearance and these ladies were pawing through them , picking them up and holding them up , turning them this way and that . Then they hold 'em up to themselves and ask a stranger , a complete stranger , " What do you think ? Will it make my hips look big?" And the lady says "YES"! But then she shuffles around in a basket and pulls out a pair of pants and says "try these". "Oh those are nice" she says as she holds them up to her waist and smiles . "My husband will love these". I walked away with 2 thoughts . One , I hope there is a lot of elastic in the waist band and two , her husband will NOT notice because the only time a husband notices a wife's clothes is when they're not on .
Food is easy to shop for . You make a list and it's like an Easter egg hunt . You take a basket and go around and fill it up with all kinds of yumminess . And ALWAYS get a cart and not one of those little plastic carry baskets they have at the front door 'cause you KNOW it'll be too full when you get to the register . And you'll be behind the guy who puts his stuff on the end of the conveyor belt and wont move it forward because he likes to see food move on it's own . Get the cart on wheels , you'll be more comfortable .
My wife doesn't like me to go to Publix with her . Something about her 'alone' time . In a store full of people . But they're not her people . After years of going with a bunch of kids I get that . It's just I'm not one of them . Mostly .
I remember going to Publix with my mom when I was 4 or 5 and getting lost . I walked away from her and went a few isles over looking for Kool-Aid . I don't remember if I found it but when I went back to mom she wasn't there . I can so clearly remember and even feel the sense of panic that came over me . She was gone! I walked over from isle to isle looking and calling out her name . Which was mom . Did you ever find that weird that everybody else's mom had a name like Mrs. Barber or Mrs. Jones but yours was just mom? Thoughts like this is why I did kindergarten twice I think . And as I call out for mom I wander farther away and begin to feel abandoned and alone . And I cry . Eventually someone finds this weeping 4 year old and takes him by the hand and brings me back to momma . And that's where the memory ends . I have so few memories of my childhood and I don't know why this one stuck around . Odd .
My life with God is kinda like my Publix experience I think . I walk with Him as he puts the provisions of life in my basket and we do it hand in hand . But he gave me the freedom to walk beside Him and even go ahead on my own . To do as He does and be as He made me to be . But sometimes I go back an isle or two and look at something that wasn't for me to have . Or take something I wasn't supposed to have yet . Or sometimes just wander .
I've been in a place now where I've just been wandering . At some point I knew I was lost and I called out for my Dad but I couldn't hear His answer . I searched and called (this is a big world) and have felt so lost and alone . Have you ever felt this way ? I know He's here and I know He loves and cares for me because I know Him . But some times it feels so very opposite and I don't know what to believe . But I trust Him and I know He's always with me . I have to believe that .
I'm walking back now . Because He calls me with that still small voice (whatever that is) . And because I'm tired of wandering (again) . I just want to be in my Dads arms again and for it to be like I imagine it to be . He knows .
If you happen to find this 4 year old weeping in the produce isle you have his permission to take him by the hand . To wipe a tear and walk together to the place where a Father is waiting for His son . I don't want to be lost .
I like to shop . For food , not clothes . I was in Walmart yesterday and they had racks and racks of clothes on clearance and these ladies were pawing through them , picking them up and holding them up , turning them this way and that . Then they hold 'em up to themselves and ask a stranger , a complete stranger , " What do you think ? Will it make my hips look big?" And the lady says "YES"! But then she shuffles around in a basket and pulls out a pair of pants and says "try these". "Oh those are nice" she says as she holds them up to her waist and smiles . "My husband will love these". I walked away with 2 thoughts . One , I hope there is a lot of elastic in the waist band and two , her husband will NOT notice because the only time a husband notices a wife's clothes is when they're not on .
Food is easy to shop for . You make a list and it's like an Easter egg hunt . You take a basket and go around and fill it up with all kinds of yumminess . And ALWAYS get a cart and not one of those little plastic carry baskets they have at the front door 'cause you KNOW it'll be too full when you get to the register . And you'll be behind the guy who puts his stuff on the end of the conveyor belt and wont move it forward because he likes to see food move on it's own . Get the cart on wheels , you'll be more comfortable .
My wife doesn't like me to go to Publix with her . Something about her 'alone' time . In a store full of people . But they're not her people . After years of going with a bunch of kids I get that . It's just I'm not one of them . Mostly .
I remember going to Publix with my mom when I was 4 or 5 and getting lost . I walked away from her and went a few isles over looking for Kool-Aid . I don't remember if I found it but when I went back to mom she wasn't there . I can so clearly remember and even feel the sense of panic that came over me . She was gone! I walked over from isle to isle looking and calling out her name . Which was mom . Did you ever find that weird that everybody else's mom had a name like Mrs. Barber or Mrs. Jones but yours was just mom? Thoughts like this is why I did kindergarten twice I think . And as I call out for mom I wander farther away and begin to feel abandoned and alone . And I cry . Eventually someone finds this weeping 4 year old and takes him by the hand and brings me back to momma . And that's where the memory ends . I have so few memories of my childhood and I don't know why this one stuck around . Odd .
My life with God is kinda like my Publix experience I think . I walk with Him as he puts the provisions of life in my basket and we do it hand in hand . But he gave me the freedom to walk beside Him and even go ahead on my own . To do as He does and be as He made me to be . But sometimes I go back an isle or two and look at something that wasn't for me to have . Or take something I wasn't supposed to have yet . Or sometimes just wander .
I've been in a place now where I've just been wandering . At some point I knew I was lost and I called out for my Dad but I couldn't hear His answer . I searched and called (this is a big world) and have felt so lost and alone . Have you ever felt this way ? I know He's here and I know He loves and cares for me because I know Him . But some times it feels so very opposite and I don't know what to believe . But I trust Him and I know He's always with me . I have to believe that .
I'm walking back now . Because He calls me with that still small voice (whatever that is) . And because I'm tired of wandering (again) . I just want to be in my Dads arms again and for it to be like I imagine it to be . He knows .
If you happen to find this 4 year old weeping in the produce isle you have his permission to take him by the hand . To wipe a tear and walk together to the place where a Father is waiting for His son . I don't want to be lost .
Monday, June 4, 2012
Nothing New Under The Sun
I haven't written in a couple of months . I quit and said I wasn't going to any more because I would come home and look at the blog site and see if anyone had read it . Or better yet , left a comment . I mostly was disappointed . I think because I was needing someone , anyone to like me and think I was. . . smart . So I kept looking for validation . Ha! Smart people use the word validation! I hated this part of me . I know I'm smart , witty , valuable , handsome (well. . .) important and so on and people love me . But sometimes I just don't feel it . And I need to feel it . Do you ever feel that way ?
I miss writing though . Honestly I've not had much to write about or at least haven't been inspired enough to sit here and type . Most good writing come through pain or joy and I've just been numb to either . Not that pain or joy would make my writing good but there you go . I guess it would help if I would talk to Jesus some . I am so far away . In fact I may change the blog title to ' Sitting Around And Being Obstinate With Jesus' . I don't even know if I can put into words where I'm at . Not good for a guy who likes words . sigh . . . . .
Well . . . . that's it . Probably shouldn't have signed back on . Had to try tho . Maybe something will kick in . I would like to at least like to stumble with Jesus again .
I miss writing though . Honestly I've not had much to write about or at least haven't been inspired enough to sit here and type . Most good writing come through pain or joy and I've just been numb to either . Not that pain or joy would make my writing good but there you go . I guess it would help if I would talk to Jesus some . I am so far away . In fact I may change the blog title to ' Sitting Around And Being Obstinate With Jesus' . I don't even know if I can put into words where I'm at . Not good for a guy who likes words . sigh . . . . .
Well . . . . that's it . Probably shouldn't have signed back on . Had to try tho . Maybe something will kick in . I would like to at least like to stumble with Jesus again .
Saturday, April 7, 2012
These Aren't The Droids You are Looking For
I , have super powers . I can read minds and predict the future . I walked in the house one day with mud on my feet . I heard a sigh and knew what my wife was thinking . I also knew what I'd be doing for the next ten minutes . Not the most impressive powers .
Flying . Now that's some power. Leaping tall buildings in a single bound . That's pretty cool but who uses that anymore - it's all urban sprawl with short buildings now a days . X-ray vision I always thought was cool but I'd no doubt get in trouble with that one so it's just as well I didn't get that . The best though is the guy that makes the doughnuts . Anybody who can take white powders and turn them into ambrosia is super indeed !
Obi wan had a pretty cool thing going with the force didn't he ? Just wave your hand and move things or affect the mind . I have that power actually . I'm waving my hand right now in fact. . . . ' this is the best blog you've ever read . You want to share it with everyone. . . . '.
There was an episode of Star Trek , the one from the 60's , where a character named Gary Mitchell was zapped by some electrical force and was given the power of a super mind . So powerful he could just think something and it would happen . That's the super power I want . Who needs to fly when you can just think yourself some place . This would come in handy though when you would drive among the mere mortals . How many times have you been behind some slow poke driver holding up a mile of traffic and they have no clue and you imagine using this power to lift the car off the road and put it in the ditch . Don't act all shocked . You know you've thought it .
I've thought of having this power and all the good I could do . Like stop crime . I'd walk in on a bank robbery and yell stop and as the guy turned their guns on me I'd make them melt in their hands . Cool . Then I think about their burned hands and how they'll go to jail and we'll have to pay to keep 'em there . And when they get out we'll have to pay for their welfare 'cause they can't work 'cause they have no hands . They got burned off some how . So instead of all that , I just kill 'em . Brutal .
And that's the problem . No mercy . In an attempt to do good I create more problems (burned hands) and and more down the road (welfare) so I avoid this all together and just kill 'em . No chance for change . No chance for redemption . Too much good to do to bother with the details of my fellow human beings. I'd make a terrible super hero .
There was this one guy though who had that . Super powers I mean . Together with His Dad they spoke the world into existence . They said "night and day" and it was . They said "land and sea" and it was . And "people" . I liked that one myself . And things were pretty cool for a while and then some one screwed up and we got kicked out . A shame too because I KNOW there's two shade trees with a hammock stretched out between 'em that woulda been mine . Anyway , like me, He killed them . The difference is , He figured a way to bring 'em back .
Jesus came for a while to stay and do His Dads work . For a while He stayed under the radar but then the last three years it was like living with Superman in town . He used those super powers to do good , to heal folks . To forgive them . To cast out evil . So impressive man . In the end though , He didn't use them at all . He could have called 12 legion of angels (about 75,000) to wipe out those who did unjust things to Him . It would have been like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark . They'd just be gone . Forever . But He didn't so that we could live . Forever .
This Easter I celebrate. I celebrate that Jesus didn't use His super powers , save one . He loved His Dad . He loved Him so much He let Himself die an unjust death so His Dad could bring back the ones who were condemned . Those doomed forever . And three days later using the greatest power of all He raised not one , but millions from the dead . And I rejoice because though I am a wretch of a man I have been made clean and whole and will live forever in paradise .
And in that place there will be four shade trees with two hammocks in which I 'll get to relax with the strongest , most superest of hero's of all. My Dad . And for this , I rejoice !
Flying . Now that's some power. Leaping tall buildings in a single bound . That's pretty cool but who uses that anymore - it's all urban sprawl with short buildings now a days . X-ray vision I always thought was cool but I'd no doubt get in trouble with that one so it's just as well I didn't get that . The best though is the guy that makes the doughnuts . Anybody who can take white powders and turn them into ambrosia is super indeed !
Obi wan had a pretty cool thing going with the force didn't he ? Just wave your hand and move things or affect the mind . I have that power actually . I'm waving my hand right now in fact. . . . ' this is the best blog you've ever read . You want to share it with everyone. . . . '.
There was an episode of Star Trek , the one from the 60's , where a character named Gary Mitchell was zapped by some electrical force and was given the power of a super mind . So powerful he could just think something and it would happen . That's the super power I want . Who needs to fly when you can just think yourself some place . This would come in handy though when you would drive among the mere mortals . How many times have you been behind some slow poke driver holding up a mile of traffic and they have no clue and you imagine using this power to lift the car off the road and put it in the ditch . Don't act all shocked . You know you've thought it .
I've thought of having this power and all the good I could do . Like stop crime . I'd walk in on a bank robbery and yell stop and as the guy turned their guns on me I'd make them melt in their hands . Cool . Then I think about their burned hands and how they'll go to jail and we'll have to pay to keep 'em there . And when they get out we'll have to pay for their welfare 'cause they can't work 'cause they have no hands . They got burned off some how . So instead of all that , I just kill 'em . Brutal .
And that's the problem . No mercy . In an attempt to do good I create more problems (burned hands) and and more down the road (welfare) so I avoid this all together and just kill 'em . No chance for change . No chance for redemption . Too much good to do to bother with the details of my fellow human beings. I'd make a terrible super hero .
There was this one guy though who had that . Super powers I mean . Together with His Dad they spoke the world into existence . They said "night and day" and it was . They said "land and sea" and it was . And "people" . I liked that one myself . And things were pretty cool for a while and then some one screwed up and we got kicked out . A shame too because I KNOW there's two shade trees with a hammock stretched out between 'em that woulda been mine . Anyway , like me, He killed them . The difference is , He figured a way to bring 'em back .
Jesus came for a while to stay and do His Dads work . For a while He stayed under the radar but then the last three years it was like living with Superman in town . He used those super powers to do good , to heal folks . To forgive them . To cast out evil . So impressive man . In the end though , He didn't use them at all . He could have called 12 legion of angels (about 75,000) to wipe out those who did unjust things to Him . It would have been like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark . They'd just be gone . Forever . But He didn't so that we could live . Forever .
This Easter I celebrate. I celebrate that Jesus didn't use His super powers , save one . He loved His Dad . He loved Him so much He let Himself die an unjust death so His Dad could bring back the ones who were condemned . Those doomed forever . And three days later using the greatest power of all He raised not one , but millions from the dead . And I rejoice because though I am a wretch of a man I have been made clean and whole and will live forever in paradise .
And in that place there will be four shade trees with two hammocks in which I 'll get to relax with the strongest , most superest of hero's of all. My Dad . And for this , I rejoice !
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Gone But . . . Forgotten ?
I can't play music and it's my mom's fault .
We seem to blame others for our short comings don't we? Someone or something . Mom wanted to have us take music lessons as kids. Music as in piano music lessons . That was fine for my sister 'cause she was a girl but I'd have none of it. I wanted to play guitar. The only guy that played the piano that I knew of was Liberace and I knew I wasn't going down THAT road . I wanted the long hair and bell bottom pants and all the girls screaming as I walked out on stage . Man . I woulda been good . . . .
Mom would have none of it so I learned nothing . Now I wish I could play the piano , Liberace or no . I'll be 49 this year and can't even play an ipod ! I should at least try to learn to play the guitar . We have one here at home that I actually pick up and strum the 3 notes I know from time to time . Mostly I find myself picking it up (or a broom, tennis racquet, etc .) and playing air guitar to a favorite song . I've got the moves and rhythm but not the bell bottoms . Or hair .
I was listening the other day to some old Stevie Ray Vaughan , which , is the only kind there is since he's been dead for 22 years . The dude can play some guitar ! I managed to find one of his albums on my ipod and was rocking out at a customers house , strumming my paint extension pole and making that face rockers make when they're jamming out . This is why I close the door when I paint someones bedroom . I got caught once . He flicked his lighter and yelled " FREEBIRD!" sigh. Everybody's a comedian .
I felt a little sad as I was listening to him . It would have so cool to see him in concert . I mean yeah there's Youtube but to be standing in front of the stage having my hair stand on end as the speakers blast away would have been awesome ! But you can't bring 'em back can you . I missed out and like I said, I felt sad .
It got me thinking about my life and whether I've done something worth while . Something that would make someone say 22 years after my death "I wished I'd known him . I wish we could bring him back ". Maybe I have but I'd have to think about it a while . Which is the real shame . I should have done more . Perhaps more of us should have done more for those whom God put in our path . It's never too late . There is a currency called time and maybe it's time I spent it on something other than me . Like I said , I'm only 48 . Not quite half way so I still have time . Time to invest in others , time to shine Jesus' caring , time to reflect His character, His love .
And maybe, 22 years after I'm gone someone will hear my name and say "...yeah, the Jesus guy , right?" That would be nice
We seem to blame others for our short comings don't we? Someone or something . Mom wanted to have us take music lessons as kids. Music as in piano music lessons . That was fine for my sister 'cause she was a girl but I'd have none of it. I wanted to play guitar. The only guy that played the piano that I knew of was Liberace and I knew I wasn't going down THAT road . I wanted the long hair and bell bottom pants and all the girls screaming as I walked out on stage . Man . I woulda been good . . . .
Mom would have none of it so I learned nothing . Now I wish I could play the piano , Liberace or no . I'll be 49 this year and can't even play an ipod ! I should at least try to learn to play the guitar . We have one here at home that I actually pick up and strum the 3 notes I know from time to time . Mostly I find myself picking it up (or a broom, tennis racquet, etc .) and playing air guitar to a favorite song . I've got the moves and rhythm but not the bell bottoms . Or hair .
I was listening the other day to some old Stevie Ray Vaughan , which , is the only kind there is since he's been dead for 22 years . The dude can play some guitar ! I managed to find one of his albums on my ipod and was rocking out at a customers house , strumming my paint extension pole and making that face rockers make when they're jamming out . This is why I close the door when I paint someones bedroom . I got caught once . He flicked his lighter and yelled " FREEBIRD!" sigh. Everybody's a comedian .
I felt a little sad as I was listening to him . It would have so cool to see him in concert . I mean yeah there's Youtube but to be standing in front of the stage having my hair stand on end as the speakers blast away would have been awesome ! But you can't bring 'em back can you . I missed out and like I said, I felt sad .
It got me thinking about my life and whether I've done something worth while . Something that would make someone say 22 years after my death "I wished I'd known him . I wish we could bring him back ". Maybe I have but I'd have to think about it a while . Which is the real shame . I should have done more . Perhaps more of us should have done more for those whom God put in our path . It's never too late . There is a currency called time and maybe it's time I spent it on something other than me . Like I said , I'm only 48 . Not quite half way so I still have time . Time to invest in others , time to shine Jesus' caring , time to reflect His character, His love .
And maybe, 22 years after I'm gone someone will hear my name and say "...yeah, the Jesus guy , right?" That would be nice
Friday, February 17, 2012
I Gotta Pee
When I was in kindergarten I wasn't the brightest bulb . A big ha ha to all of you who just said 'what's changed' . Actually , you're probably right . I must have been pretty dumb though because I ended up at my teachers house for special tutoring . Really , how many kindergartners do you know of who need tutoring? Don't kindergartners have zero knowledge at that point . I had to get tutored to GET to zero . Mom was great about it though . " Heeeyyy....yer almost up to a zero now big boy! Have a Popsicle"! Ya gotta love my mom .
Mrs. Booth was my teacher and she was a sweetheart . I think I was in love with her . Or her hair . It was gigantic . She talked so nice to me and she remembered my name . That's a big deal to kids , the name thing . It's all we have and it felt good when a grown up knew it and used it . It meant we were real .
Mrs. Booth had me come over to her house each week so she could help with what ever dumbness I had about me . What teacher does that anymore? I think she was researching me though . I heard her talking to someone about having the missing link between apes and man . AT her kitchen table ! Of course I didn't get it then , but now . . . .
One time when I was there I became aware of the need to pee but decided to wait a bit and see if she would finish soon . I could wait . I could be patient . Mom always said be polite and be patient with your elders . I bet she didn't have to pee when she came up with this bit of wisdom . I wanted to interrupt but some folks you just have a hard time getting a word in edgewise . I though everyone knew the international signs of immanent peeing . Crossed legs , grabbing your crotch , bending at the waist , grimace on the face . I guess not .
There is also an international sign of relief . THAT one she knew . My momentary relief though was replaced with embarrassment as I sat there in my wet corduroy pants and a puddle on the floor . I said I was sorry and all and had tried to be patient but you can't really expect too much from a below zero 5 year old . She was so kind and made no fuss at all . She asked if I was done (I was) and cleaned me up , gave me a cookie , no milk , and we carried on . SHE , was a patient woman . I love you Mrs. Booth .
Have you ever been in the midst of God working on you and it seems to go on forever ? And the word He speaks to you is 'patience' and for a time you're ok with this 'çause He's God and well , who's smarter than Him? And so you do it , being patient that is , but soon find yourself hopping from one foot to another looking for relief and there He is still talking and teaching . You feel like He doesn't know the signs either .
I'm walking through a long stretch in life that requires much patience . I am so grateful My dad is at the helm of this life of mine and I mostly welcome His work . Some days I handle it well because I can see what He sees and I trust Him . A lot of days though I spend grimacing . Honestly a lot of this is my own fault but there are times He's saying 'just hold on' and I try so hard . I want to be a better man .
Some day's though, I just pee .
Mrs. Booth was my teacher and she was a sweetheart . I think I was in love with her . Or her hair . It was gigantic . She talked so nice to me and she remembered my name . That's a big deal to kids , the name thing . It's all we have and it felt good when a grown up knew it and used it . It meant we were real .
Mrs. Booth had me come over to her house each week so she could help with what ever dumbness I had about me . What teacher does that anymore? I think she was researching me though . I heard her talking to someone about having the missing link between apes and man . AT her kitchen table ! Of course I didn't get it then , but now . . . .
One time when I was there I became aware of the need to pee but decided to wait a bit and see if she would finish soon . I could wait . I could be patient . Mom always said be polite and be patient with your elders . I bet she didn't have to pee when she came up with this bit of wisdom . I wanted to interrupt but some folks you just have a hard time getting a word in edgewise . I though everyone knew the international signs of immanent peeing . Crossed legs , grabbing your crotch , bending at the waist , grimace on the face . I guess not .
There is also an international sign of relief . THAT one she knew . My momentary relief though was replaced with embarrassment as I sat there in my wet corduroy pants and a puddle on the floor . I said I was sorry and all and had tried to be patient but you can't really expect too much from a below zero 5 year old . She was so kind and made no fuss at all . She asked if I was done (I was) and cleaned me up , gave me a cookie , no milk , and we carried on . SHE , was a patient woman . I love you Mrs. Booth .
Have you ever been in the midst of God working on you and it seems to go on forever ? And the word He speaks to you is 'patience' and for a time you're ok with this 'çause He's God and well , who's smarter than Him? And so you do it , being patient that is , but soon find yourself hopping from one foot to another looking for relief and there He is still talking and teaching . You feel like He doesn't know the signs either .
I'm walking through a long stretch in life that requires much patience . I am so grateful My dad is at the helm of this life of mine and I mostly welcome His work . Some days I handle it well because I can see what He sees and I trust Him . A lot of days though I spend grimacing . Honestly a lot of this is my own fault but there are times He's saying 'just hold on' and I try so hard . I want to be a better man .
Some day's though, I just pee .
Monday, February 13, 2012
A Guy Named Paul
No humor today...
I didn't work much today . I had work for a change but did little. I couldn't get that inner motivation going , that little uuumph you need to help you press through a bad day . My uumph was gone and I couldn't find it . Some times I find it at Krispy Kreme but today I didn't want to find it if it were there so I didn't look .
I sat in my truck for a while hoping to find my nerve to face the day . I like my truck and it was so warm and cozy and safe this morning . I managed to get out and do a little but heart ache chased me back in after a time . I felt alone . Funny thing about working alone . You're alone . I figured I could be alone in my warm truck as well as in the cold so I went back .
I'm working through some things in my life this week . Some things you have to work on with God , alone in the dark places of your heart . Maybe this is part of this working out my salvation He talks about . Only I feel like it's me alone and He's so far away , busy with some one else and their dark place . I know that's not true but I cry out for relief and answers and it's met with silence and darkness . I cried a lot today .
Do you know Paul Potts? He's a singer who won Britain's Got Talent a few years back . Youtube him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA) and re-watch his first night on the show . Watch the lady judge . Here was this unassuming phone salesman with an incredible gift to sing and in this right moment, this perfect moment it came out . This thing he was meant to do he finally got to do and his life was set on a new course . I cried watching it today , you probably wont . I'm a softy .
I think of myself sometimes like Paul , with this amazing gift deep inside , this amazing "me" inside waiting for a chance , for the right moment to burst forth . But until it does I feel like just so many small people in a great big world do . Small . It's a self image thing I know and that's a dark place We've been working on . My Dad and I . I just want to feel like I have value . I know I do , it's just some days you don't feel like it , you know what I mean? Maybe you don't . Why I feel alone sometimes .
This isn't a cry for a pat on the back and some kind words . Typing is just a fairly new way I have of sorting things out I'm just letting you in on the process . Everybody likes a good train wreck right? Just working it out as I stumble along . I just want to get it right .
Some day I want to stand on stage not before 3 talent scouts but One Judge and like Paul, open my mouth and let the beauty of His life come out and I'll finish and look at Him . And He'll look at me and applaud and say "Well done my good and faithful servant. I love you Mark".
I didn't work much today . I had work for a change but did little. I couldn't get that inner motivation going , that little uuumph you need to help you press through a bad day . My uumph was gone and I couldn't find it . Some times I find it at Krispy Kreme but today I didn't want to find it if it were there so I didn't look .
I sat in my truck for a while hoping to find my nerve to face the day . I like my truck and it was so warm and cozy and safe this morning . I managed to get out and do a little but heart ache chased me back in after a time . I felt alone . Funny thing about working alone . You're alone . I figured I could be alone in my warm truck as well as in the cold so I went back .
I'm working through some things in my life this week . Some things you have to work on with God , alone in the dark places of your heart . Maybe this is part of this working out my salvation He talks about . Only I feel like it's me alone and He's so far away , busy with some one else and their dark place . I know that's not true but I cry out for relief and answers and it's met with silence and darkness . I cried a lot today .
Do you know Paul Potts? He's a singer who won Britain's Got Talent a few years back . Youtube him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA) and re-watch his first night on the show . Watch the lady judge . Here was this unassuming phone salesman with an incredible gift to sing and in this right moment, this perfect moment it came out . This thing he was meant to do he finally got to do and his life was set on a new course . I cried watching it today , you probably wont . I'm a softy .
I think of myself sometimes like Paul , with this amazing gift deep inside , this amazing "me" inside waiting for a chance , for the right moment to burst forth . But until it does I feel like just so many small people in a great big world do . Small . It's a self image thing I know and that's a dark place We've been working on . My Dad and I . I just want to feel like I have value . I know I do , it's just some days you don't feel like it , you know what I mean? Maybe you don't . Why I feel alone sometimes .
This isn't a cry for a pat on the back and some kind words . Typing is just a fairly new way I have of sorting things out I'm just letting you in on the process . Everybody likes a good train wreck right? Just working it out as I stumble along . I just want to get it right .
Some day I want to stand on stage not before 3 talent scouts but One Judge and like Paul, open my mouth and let the beauty of His life come out and I'll finish and look at Him . And He'll look at me and applaud and say "Well done my good and faithful servant. I love you Mark".
Friday, February 10, 2012
I Never
I never thought I'd weigh 250 pounds. I never thought I'd wear a hat
to cover a bald spot. I never thought I'd be sore when I rolled out of
bed in the morning. I never thought I'd run a business. I never though
I'd own a mini van and be ok with it. And I never thought...
28 years ago today I stood in a park that is no longer there and held hands with a woman who still is. I held those beautiful hands and looked deep in those beautiful eyes and when asked I said I do. The sun shined brighter and a bird song never more pleasant than the words that befell my ears. She did too! Love is a splendid thing.
Mom and dad never told me love was hard. They never said it would rip my heart out. I didn't know love would hurt. I didn't know love has seasons. Does the oak know, when the birds are nesting among its branches, shaded by its leaves of green, that winter is coming? That it must? But stand it must and stand I have to experience the glories of the fairer months and there have been so many. It has been a joy to stand them all with the love of my life.
I love the finger that holds the ring I placed upon it so many years ago. I love the one to whom the finger belongs, the body and the soul. My summer of love continues on into a future unknown and will be with the one I gladly have known. I'm in love can't you see? With the one who makes it a joy to roll this aching balding fat body out of the rack each day to do it all over again and again and again.
They ask if you could, if you would, have a chance to do it all over again, would you make a different choice? I could not, would not for it would mean I would never glance into the eyes of beauty, hear the voice of wisdom, touch her lips of passion. I can not imagine a greater gift from God. I am rich. My wife is Terri Manche, I never thought I could love so much. I never . . . .
28 years ago today I stood in a park that is no longer there and held hands with a woman who still is. I held those beautiful hands and looked deep in those beautiful eyes and when asked I said I do. The sun shined brighter and a bird song never more pleasant than the words that befell my ears. She did too! Love is a splendid thing.
Mom and dad never told me love was hard. They never said it would rip my heart out. I didn't know love would hurt. I didn't know love has seasons. Does the oak know, when the birds are nesting among its branches, shaded by its leaves of green, that winter is coming? That it must? But stand it must and stand I have to experience the glories of the fairer months and there have been so many. It has been a joy to stand them all with the love of my life.
I love the finger that holds the ring I placed upon it so many years ago. I love the one to whom the finger belongs, the body and the soul. My summer of love continues on into a future unknown and will be with the one I gladly have known. I'm in love can't you see? With the one who makes it a joy to roll this aching balding fat body out of the rack each day to do it all over again and again and again.
They ask if you could, if you would, have a chance to do it all over again, would you make a different choice? I could not, would not for it would mean I would never glance into the eyes of beauty, hear the voice of wisdom, touch her lips of passion. I can not imagine a greater gift from God. I am rich. My wife is Terri Manche, I never thought I could love so much. I never . . . .
Thursday, February 2, 2012
A Little Spare Change
I like change . The pocket kind not the life kind . I secretly get excited when I buy something and it comes out a little over a buck . They always ask me if I have the 3 cents so they don't have to give me back a bunch of change . I want to say "Are you nuts? Gimmie the coins!" . I like a little jingle in my pockets .
I see they are coming out with soft drink and snack machines that don't take coins. You swipe your card or somehow use your phone to get fat now . That's what I need , some method of payment that burns LESS calories . At least there was HOPE when I had to rummage through my pockets for correct change , but now . . . .
I do have a piggy bank at home in case some of my change makes it that far . It used to be a can or a jar but someone gave me one of those banks that counts up the change as it goes in . I'm not really in favor of this because I like the surprise at the end of the year when we see how much was stashed in there . It's usually in the neighborhood of $75 bucks. Back in the day we'd count it all out into piles and start wrapping it in those paper rolls . Some rolls might actually have had the right amount in them . That was back when the kids liked doing things with dad . Now I just go dump it in the machine at Publix . Things do change. . . .
Things DO change don't they? I've always felt like I was a mellow hippy 'cool dude, whatever' kind of a guy who just goes with the flow but I discovered I don't like it so much . Change that is . Anyone who's seen my Facebook posts after Facebook comes up with something new knows I don't like change . A preacher I once heard said if you don't like change you're in for a rough ride . The only thing that doesn't change is change . My life , may be getting bumpier . . . .
I'm a little scared right now . I think I'm on the cusp of change in my life and the future looks really black up ahead . It has to do with my job , as in I don't know if I have one . It's not like I have a boss except for me and I know I'm not firing me but the customers are just not calling . Like humanity has collectively pulled a Donald Trump on me . It's not over yet but it feels like it might be . Some things have happened , odd things , odd thoughts that lead me to think this way and it's got me uneasy . I hope It's God .
I've started looking around out there and I feel small . So few opportunities and so many looking for jobs and careers that it seems like impossible odds. At times like these I look at my short comings and weep . Ok so I look at my short comings MORE than normal . I see my flaws and bad habits and inconsistencies and lack of ability and I think 'who would hire this guy'? and the deeper I look the bigger this flawed man becomes and soon he blots out the loving smile and waiting arms of the immense God behind him . A Dad who wants to lead , guide and prosper me . To use me to build up HIS kingdom and not my own . To be an instrument of His love and kindness . Oh how I long for this . How I want to care . I don't want to be scared. I want to be brave .
What ever my course , be it a little change or a lot , I pray it'll be arm and arm with the One I love and want to love more .
I see they are coming out with soft drink and snack machines that don't take coins. You swipe your card or somehow use your phone to get fat now . That's what I need , some method of payment that burns LESS calories . At least there was HOPE when I had to rummage through my pockets for correct change , but now . . . .
I do have a piggy bank at home in case some of my change makes it that far . It used to be a can or a jar but someone gave me one of those banks that counts up the change as it goes in . I'm not really in favor of this because I like the surprise at the end of the year when we see how much was stashed in there . It's usually in the neighborhood of $75 bucks. Back in the day we'd count it all out into piles and start wrapping it in those paper rolls . Some rolls might actually have had the right amount in them . That was back when the kids liked doing things with dad . Now I just go dump it in the machine at Publix . Things do change. . . .
Things DO change don't they? I've always felt like I was a mellow hippy 'cool dude, whatever' kind of a guy who just goes with the flow but I discovered I don't like it so much . Change that is . Anyone who's seen my Facebook posts after Facebook comes up with something new knows I don't like change . A preacher I once heard said if you don't like change you're in for a rough ride . The only thing that doesn't change is change . My life , may be getting bumpier . . . .
I'm a little scared right now . I think I'm on the cusp of change in my life and the future looks really black up ahead . It has to do with my job , as in I don't know if I have one . It's not like I have a boss except for me and I know I'm not firing me but the customers are just not calling . Like humanity has collectively pulled a Donald Trump on me . It's not over yet but it feels like it might be . Some things have happened , odd things , odd thoughts that lead me to think this way and it's got me uneasy . I hope It's God .
I've started looking around out there and I feel small . So few opportunities and so many looking for jobs and careers that it seems like impossible odds. At times like these I look at my short comings and weep . Ok so I look at my short comings MORE than normal . I see my flaws and bad habits and inconsistencies and lack of ability and I think 'who would hire this guy'? and the deeper I look the bigger this flawed man becomes and soon he blots out the loving smile and waiting arms of the immense God behind him . A Dad who wants to lead , guide and prosper me . To use me to build up HIS kingdom and not my own . To be an instrument of His love and kindness . Oh how I long for this . How I want to care . I don't want to be scared. I want to be brave .
What ever my course , be it a little change or a lot , I pray it'll be arm and arm with the One I love and want to love more .
Monday, January 30, 2012
Shells
Popcorn . Who doesn't love popcorn? It's one of those foods when my wife asks me if I want some I say no but end up eating half her bowl . Or you enter a theater completely stuffed from dinner yet find yourself sitting in your seat with a bucket between your legs . Something about that smell , that buttery popcorn smell that suppresses reason and common sense and makes you eat . Same thing happens to me with doughnuts but that's another post for another day .
The best popcorn is movie theater popcorn . It's not as good as it was a few years ago when they popped it in the fatty unhealthy oil but still so good. I've tried nachos at the movies but it's not as satisfying . Probably because there's not enough cheese to go with the amount of chips you get . I hate running out of cheese . I heard in some places they sell sushi in theaters . That's messed up .
There was one movie I didn't finish my popcorn in . Too scared . Daaa-dum . . . Daaa-dum . . . Da-dum da-dum da-dum . . . Jaws . I can't imagine why my mom thought it was a good idea to let an 11 year old go see humans ripped apart by a huge shark . After the first girl bought it my popcorn hit the floor and my hands covered my eyes for the rest of the movie .
I quit taking baths after that . Partially because I was eleven but really because I thought sharks could come up through the drain . I mean , if there were rats and alligators in the sewers was it beyond the realm of possibility there were sharks? If one of those babies came up through the drain I'd have nowhere to go . At least if I were showering I'd be on my feet and have half a chance . Stupid I know , but I was eleven .
We didn't go to the beach much after that . Well , we went but not in the water . No sir . Not THIS fish stick! I made my time on land , building sandcastles , playing in the dunes , and collecting shells . I had a huge shell collection I kept in a box in my room . I loved collecting shells - I had some really beautiful ones . I never found two halves connected together though. I would have liked one of those .
My friend died Saturday , the one I wrote about last week . I saw her in the casket tonight . She looked . . . ok . Just an empty shell . It made me think what will be left of me when I'm gone . The shell . Sure , there's the body which , I hope will be much thinner at that point . But it's only half the shell . What will people see when they pick up the other half ? Will they even find the other half ? The half that was supposed to love his neighbor as himself . The half that was supposed to love the lord his God with all his heart . I hope I have that half that made my world a better place. That made Jesus known and made Him look good .
When you see me in that pine box one day , in my flip flops and t-shirt , I hope , it's not the only half you see .
The best popcorn is movie theater popcorn . It's not as good as it was a few years ago when they popped it in the fatty unhealthy oil but still so good. I've tried nachos at the movies but it's not as satisfying . Probably because there's not enough cheese to go with the amount of chips you get . I hate running out of cheese . I heard in some places they sell sushi in theaters . That's messed up .
There was one movie I didn't finish my popcorn in . Too scared . Daaa-dum . . . Daaa-dum . . . Da-dum da-dum da-dum . . . Jaws . I can't imagine why my mom thought it was a good idea to let an 11 year old go see humans ripped apart by a huge shark . After the first girl bought it my popcorn hit the floor and my hands covered my eyes for the rest of the movie .
I quit taking baths after that . Partially because I was eleven but really because I thought sharks could come up through the drain . I mean , if there were rats and alligators in the sewers was it beyond the realm of possibility there were sharks? If one of those babies came up through the drain I'd have nowhere to go . At least if I were showering I'd be on my feet and have half a chance . Stupid I know , but I was eleven .
We didn't go to the beach much after that . Well , we went but not in the water . No sir . Not THIS fish stick! I made my time on land , building sandcastles , playing in the dunes , and collecting shells . I had a huge shell collection I kept in a box in my room . I loved collecting shells - I had some really beautiful ones . I never found two halves connected together though. I would have liked one of those .
My friend died Saturday , the one I wrote about last week . I saw her in the casket tonight . She looked . . . ok . Just an empty shell . It made me think what will be left of me when I'm gone . The shell . Sure , there's the body which , I hope will be much thinner at that point . But it's only half the shell . What will people see when they pick up the other half ? Will they even find the other half ? The half that was supposed to love his neighbor as himself . The half that was supposed to love the lord his God with all his heart . I hope I have that half that made my world a better place. That made Jesus known and made Him look good .
When you see me in that pine box one day , in my flip flops and t-shirt , I hope , it's not the only half you see .
Monday, January 23, 2012
Glutton
Smoking . Now THERE was a good idea. . . .
My dad smoked . A couple packs a day I think . An awful habit but I don't blame him for it . He grew up in the thirties and forties, back when they gave menthol cigarettes to school kids . "Why yes Billy , the answer IS five . Come get a cigarette". That was back when smoking was cool . Nobody died from it then . Cancer came later . Everybody smoked . Moms and dads, teaches and preachers. Our milkman smoked . Mom seemed to especially enjoy a smoke after he left . Weird to have a refrigerator in your bedroom I always thought . . .
We hated going to the store with dad . He burned through half a pack before we got to the end of the street. And what is it with smokers who get out of their car and light up for that 100' walk to the store entrance? Wouldn't want to get caught in all that fresh air and have a seizure or something. Dad would stand at the front doors and finish off his smoke before going in then stub it out in those ashtrays filled with sand. Of course this was after they said you couldn't smoke IN the store. I remember Nate the deli guy with a three foot ash hanging off his cigarette as he scooped potato salad in a container. I kept waiting but it never fell . Nate was a professional smoker .
Remember the smoking sections in the restaurants? I use the term "section" loosely . If people are smoking in a restaurant there is no "section". One place they put up a lattice wall between rows of tables. "Oh look honey! A lattice wall. Nothing will get through THERE". Dad smoked until the food came . He and the waitress' had this thing going where they wouldn't bring the food out until they saw he was stubbing out his third cigarette. And he'd light up as the last bite was down. But like I say, I don't blame him. Just how his generation was.
Sonnys Bar-B-Q. Now that was a place I didn't mind the smokers . It had a smoking section on the other side of a half wall .When the smoking section was full we'd sit NEXT to the wall so dad could stand up and lean over and breath from time to time. The food at Sonnys is awesome! What a good smell- all that meat smoking in the kitchen and the fries and garlic bread. Man .You sat inside at picnic tables topped with a red and white checked table cloth and the waitresses' called you 'Honey' , 'Darlin' or 'Sweetheart. They smoked too . That , was some good eatin'.
Sonnys changed a bit over the years. No more smoking except for the meat . They added a salad bar . For the women I guess . They got rid of the picnic benches in favor of padded seats . If you eat at Sonnys you HAVE padded seats ! They also started doing all you can eat and that's when I knew that God was real. They kept coming back and saying things like "Y'all want some more? " or "Yer not done yet are ya darlin'?" and I knew what the kings of old must have felt like when thinly veiled women fed them grapes as they reclined.
Of course I can't do that now . I'm trying to take better of myself these days so we stay away from the all you can eat. Well, it's probably that I don't have the money more than the health issue. We still go on occasion and I eat all I can and waddle out. About half way through I undo the belt and when I get to the car I pop the button and unzip. Ahhhh . I've had enough . I feel awful but it's a good awful . I like it but I'm worthless afterwords .
I was feeling this way the other day and got to thinking about another aspect of my life . I'm a little shallow and a lot selfish I think . If I had the money I'm afraid I'd consume all that the world has to offer and get fat and full and be worthless . Maybe why I never won the lottery . I want to believe I'd skip the big house to help a neighbor keep her small one . Instead of a new ride keep what I got and buy some used wheels to help a guy get to work . I could go on . I'm not against having stuff but having TOO much stuff. I'm afraid of not finding the line I'm not supposed to cross . I don't know why I'm thinking about this . I don't have much .
Well, since it's all I've got, maybe I should try being faithful with the small things. . . .
My dad smoked . A couple packs a day I think . An awful habit but I don't blame him for it . He grew up in the thirties and forties, back when they gave menthol cigarettes to school kids . "Why yes Billy , the answer IS five . Come get a cigarette". That was back when smoking was cool . Nobody died from it then . Cancer came later . Everybody smoked . Moms and dads, teaches and preachers. Our milkman smoked . Mom seemed to especially enjoy a smoke after he left . Weird to have a refrigerator in your bedroom I always thought . . .
We hated going to the store with dad . He burned through half a pack before we got to the end of the street. And what is it with smokers who get out of their car and light up for that 100' walk to the store entrance? Wouldn't want to get caught in all that fresh air and have a seizure or something. Dad would stand at the front doors and finish off his smoke before going in then stub it out in those ashtrays filled with sand. Of course this was after they said you couldn't smoke IN the store. I remember Nate the deli guy with a three foot ash hanging off his cigarette as he scooped potato salad in a container. I kept waiting but it never fell . Nate was a professional smoker .
Remember the smoking sections in the restaurants? I use the term "section" loosely . If people are smoking in a restaurant there is no "section". One place they put up a lattice wall between rows of tables. "Oh look honey! A lattice wall. Nothing will get through THERE". Dad smoked until the food came . He and the waitress' had this thing going where they wouldn't bring the food out until they saw he was stubbing out his third cigarette. And he'd light up as the last bite was down. But like I say, I don't blame him. Just how his generation was.
Sonnys Bar-B-Q. Now that was a place I didn't mind the smokers . It had a smoking section on the other side of a half wall .When the smoking section was full we'd sit NEXT to the wall so dad could stand up and lean over and breath from time to time. The food at Sonnys is awesome! What a good smell- all that meat smoking in the kitchen and the fries and garlic bread. Man .You sat inside at picnic tables topped with a red and white checked table cloth and the waitresses' called you 'Honey' , 'Darlin' or 'Sweetheart. They smoked too . That , was some good eatin'.
Sonnys changed a bit over the years. No more smoking except for the meat . They added a salad bar . For the women I guess . They got rid of the picnic benches in favor of padded seats . If you eat at Sonnys you HAVE padded seats ! They also started doing all you can eat and that's when I knew that God was real. They kept coming back and saying things like "Y'all want some more? " or "Yer not done yet are ya darlin'?" and I knew what the kings of old must have felt like when thinly veiled women fed them grapes as they reclined.
Of course I can't do that now . I'm trying to take better of myself these days so we stay away from the all you can eat. Well, it's probably that I don't have the money more than the health issue. We still go on occasion and I eat all I can and waddle out. About half way through I undo the belt and when I get to the car I pop the button and unzip. Ahhhh . I've had enough . I feel awful but it's a good awful . I like it but I'm worthless afterwords .
I was feeling this way the other day and got to thinking about another aspect of my life . I'm a little shallow and a lot selfish I think . If I had the money I'm afraid I'd consume all that the world has to offer and get fat and full and be worthless . Maybe why I never won the lottery . I want to believe I'd skip the big house to help a neighbor keep her small one . Instead of a new ride keep what I got and buy some used wheels to help a guy get to work . I could go on . I'm not against having stuff but having TOO much stuff. I'm afraid of not finding the line I'm not supposed to cross . I don't know why I'm thinking about this . I don't have much .
Well, since it's all I've got, maybe I should try being faithful with the small things. . . .
Saturday, January 21, 2012
...Going ...Going ....Go....
I went to visit a friend in hospice today . She's dying . She's the mother of one of the kids we grew up with . Cancer . I probably hadn't seen her in a couple of years so I wasn't ready for what I saw . You know those stick figure people you draw as a kid? She was like that . Only smaller .
My dad died a few years ago . Cancer as well . He didn't last long after he found out - about 3 months and most of that wasn't too painful for him . More of an inconvenience . The end came quick . About a week in hospice and like a puff of smoke he was gone. Poof ! 74 years of opportunity ended . Was it enough?
I don't know what to say to people on their death beds. Thankfully I've not had a lot of practice but I wish I had some tools of conversation to use here . The usual 'Hi-how are you" or 'Well don't you look good today' don't really work . I used that last one today . On a stick figure . That's why they don't normally let me in . I just looked her in the eyes and had not much to say . I wanted to make her feel good . To smile or laugh and see some life return to that frail body . I wanted to make her forget about the end of the journey in this earthly vessel . I wanted her to have a good day .
I don't know why I'm writing this today. Feeling a little helpless. I think sadness as well. Sad yeah because she's a friend (though not a close one) but I think more so because of my life. Or more accurately the lack of life in my life . Where did it go, this life I've been given . What did I spend it on? On WHO did I spend it? I'm sad to say far too often it was on me . I was dealt perfect hand in life from the Dealer who is so wise . I should have gone all in at every opportunity but I held onto my chips and ended up playing penny ante poker with the riches before me .
My prayer today is that I won't someday be a stick figure of my former self laying in a bed before eternity and at my side a pile of chips . I hope I spend it all . I want to go all in....
My dad died a few years ago . Cancer as well . He didn't last long after he found out - about 3 months and most of that wasn't too painful for him . More of an inconvenience . The end came quick . About a week in hospice and like a puff of smoke he was gone. Poof ! 74 years of opportunity ended . Was it enough?
I don't know what to say to people on their death beds. Thankfully I've not had a lot of practice but I wish I had some tools of conversation to use here . The usual 'Hi-how are you" or 'Well don't you look good today' don't really work . I used that last one today . On a stick figure . That's why they don't normally let me in . I just looked her in the eyes and had not much to say . I wanted to make her feel good . To smile or laugh and see some life return to that frail body . I wanted to make her forget about the end of the journey in this earthly vessel . I wanted her to have a good day .
I don't know why I'm writing this today. Feeling a little helpless. I think sadness as well. Sad yeah because she's a friend (though not a close one) but I think more so because of my life. Or more accurately the lack of life in my life . Where did it go, this life I've been given . What did I spend it on? On WHO did I spend it? I'm sad to say far too often it was on me . I was dealt perfect hand in life from the Dealer who is so wise . I should have gone all in at every opportunity but I held onto my chips and ended up playing penny ante poker with the riches before me .
My prayer today is that I won't someday be a stick figure of my former self laying in a bed before eternity and at my side a pile of chips . I hope I spend it all . I want to go all in....
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I'm Scared
Parents lie to kids. Like about Santa Clause and the rest of the fairy tale bunch. Though I'm not sure about the tooth fairy. I know I never put money under the kids pillows but on the morning after the kids were a buck richer. I asked my wife but she said SHE didn't do it. Hummm. I think I believe her. But she IS a parent. . . .
They lie about other things too. "Try it. You'll like it". They KNEW Brussel sprouts were gross when they put 'em on your plate. What is this thing that parents try to get kids to eat things they would NEVER eat? I fed my kids doughnuts. It was hard enough to get them to like me with out feeding them something that's edible only if hidden deep within a casserole.
"You'll have a wonderful time at Camp. Two weeks with your friends hiking, swimming, bonfires and games! It'll be good for you" mom lied and smiled as she pushed me out the car door. "I thought we were going to McDonalds. . ." I cry. "Oh, well, we'll get there on the way back in 2 weeks darling. Now run along. Your father forgot your backpack and sleeping bag. Just ask around. I'm sure you'll make do. . ." she says as the car peels away. It wasn't wonderful. Or good either. Except for mom and dad. I had a baby brother 9 months later. . .
I'm a quiet and shy person and that came out at camp. I got picked on. And made fun of, the butt of a really embarrassing practical joke. As a little kid there are no odd or strange kids, just boy or girl kids. Pretty much all the same. But at some point they figure out that others are different and that some how some are more normal or acceptable than others. I'm not near smart enough to figure out that dynamic but I do know where I was on the totem pole that summer. The bottom. The part underground bottom.
Different was what I was but not odd. Shoot, probably half the kids out there are sorta shy. But I was the target then. I don't know when I decided in my life to be "normal" and un-picked-on-able (it's a word now) but I suspect it was around this time. I decided to do nothing that put me outside the normal range. Well, I don't remember consciously deciding this but on a gut level this is what happened. And it ruined me.
I had breakfast with a friend the other day. He loves Jesus. I like that. I'm glad I know some people who Love Jesus. I love Jesus. Maybe better stated is I like Jesus. I like Him a lot but on most days I don't think it crosses into that love category. I don't want to go full on love in case someone is watching. Wouldn't want to be thought of as not. . .normal. Yep. That's me, Mr. lukewarm, living fat and happy in the land of Laodocea. Fact is I have several friends who aren't embarrassed to be embarrassed for the Gospel. They're not afraid to tell people that Jesus loves them, no matter the response. It doesn't matter because they love him. They gave up father and mother, brother and sister, home and inheritance to follow Jesus. They're weird. They're not normal.They are what I always wanted to be. A Jesus freak.
I want to be one. But I'm scared.
They lie about other things too. "Try it. You'll like it". They KNEW Brussel sprouts were gross when they put 'em on your plate. What is this thing that parents try to get kids to eat things they would NEVER eat? I fed my kids doughnuts. It was hard enough to get them to like me with out feeding them something that's edible only if hidden deep within a casserole.
"You'll have a wonderful time at Camp. Two weeks with your friends hiking, swimming, bonfires and games! It'll be good for you" mom lied and smiled as she pushed me out the car door. "I thought we were going to McDonalds. . ." I cry. "Oh, well, we'll get there on the way back in 2 weeks darling. Now run along. Your father forgot your backpack and sleeping bag. Just ask around. I'm sure you'll make do. . ." she says as the car peels away. It wasn't wonderful. Or good either. Except for mom and dad. I had a baby brother 9 months later. . .
I'm a quiet and shy person and that came out at camp. I got picked on. And made fun of, the butt of a really embarrassing practical joke. As a little kid there are no odd or strange kids, just boy or girl kids. Pretty much all the same. But at some point they figure out that others are different and that some how some are more normal or acceptable than others. I'm not near smart enough to figure out that dynamic but I do know where I was on the totem pole that summer. The bottom. The part underground bottom.
Different was what I was but not odd. Shoot, probably half the kids out there are sorta shy. But I was the target then. I don't know when I decided in my life to be "normal" and un-picked-on-able (it's a word now) but I suspect it was around this time. I decided to do nothing that put me outside the normal range. Well, I don't remember consciously deciding this but on a gut level this is what happened. And it ruined me.
I had breakfast with a friend the other day. He loves Jesus. I like that. I'm glad I know some people who Love Jesus. I love Jesus. Maybe better stated is I like Jesus. I like Him a lot but on most days I don't think it crosses into that love category. I don't want to go full on love in case someone is watching. Wouldn't want to be thought of as not. . .normal. Yep. That's me, Mr. lukewarm, living fat and happy in the land of Laodocea. Fact is I have several friends who aren't embarrassed to be embarrassed for the Gospel. They're not afraid to tell people that Jesus loves them, no matter the response. It doesn't matter because they love him. They gave up father and mother, brother and sister, home and inheritance to follow Jesus. They're weird. They're not normal.They are what I always wanted to be. A Jesus freak.
I want to be one. But I'm scared.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I Had Something to Say
I saw a study the other day that confirmed what we all knew: As you get older your mental capacity begins to wane. It said this begins to happen after 40 which is much younger than I'd have imagined. I'm 48 so I guess that explains a lot. That and I have the IQ of a marble.
I was in a bible study the other night. We were talking about Isaiah 58. Did you know that was in there? I musta missed it in all those read through the bible in a year programs. Oh wait. I never DID do those. Why I didn't make it as a Baptist I think. Anyway, it's a really cool and powerful chapter. Don't wait until you're 48 to find it.
So we were in this study and I was having a hard time following, partly because I'm a guy with ADD and mostly because I'm 8 years into my diminishing mental capacity. This happens a lot to me so I usually tune out the speaker (it's not on purpose mind you, it just kinda happens) and I begin read and re-read the scripture we're studying, hoping something will make some sense. Aaannd...hoping that the leader wont ask me what I thought about what they just said.
Isaiah 58 is great and during the teaching I was reading and reading and thinking "Wow! There's something here"! and wanting to get that "something" out of it so I could speak up and be profound. Which is wholly out of my realm but hey, this was a bible study and miracles still happen. For 30 minutes I sat there with something on the tip of my brain but I couldn't pull it off. The thoughts didn't jell. man. It would have been good.
Did you ever see Braveheart? One of my most favorite movies for a lot of reasons, one of which is the scene where William Wallace shows up before a battle and rides his horse before his Scottish brothers and gives this impassioned speech. He's loud and passionate and articulate and as he parades before them and speaks the men rise up and cheer and march to battle because they know his words to be true. I love that scene.
As I was reading verses 6-9 of chapter 58 it kept coming to me in some sort of impassioned voice, like from someone who really meant it. In a William Wallace voice:
6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' (The Message)
It, was, great! Except that's not what everyone was talking about. The conversation had morphed (or maybe planned. How would I know. I wasn't listening) into confessing our hang up and bearing each others burdens. I love that and do we need it. Wish I knew how we got there though.
I confess things to people. Maybe too many things to too many people. Which is why nobody calls. I have lots of battles with lots of sins and it feels like it's too overwhelming for someone to listen to. They do because they care and they love me but after a while they stop calling. And I point a finger at no one because I'm the same. I care but I'm too busy with family and work and more than I'd like, keeping up with the Jones'. I care but only to a point, the point where it interferes with my pleasure and comfort. I fear I've become the Jones' and I've found them to be selfish and morally bankrupt. Woe is me.
In those verses He was saying, with His teeth gritted, to pour your life out, give it away for the benefit of those in need. And He said this is not something you do at you convenience or for a short time. This is a lifestyle. Mark, you do it forever. Wow. That's harsh and hard. But here's the payoff. He said when you call out He'll say 'Here I am'. Oh how I've longed to hear Him.
I guess what I had to say to the group but was too dumb to pull together was this: Confess your sins to one another and bear each others burdens. Do this because we must. But be prepared to give your life to those who entrust theirs to you. In the same way Dad passionately ask you to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and give shelter to the homeless, you must give your life in service to those who struggle. To those who need to feel the physical touch of Gods hand. Be in it for the long haul.Because each one of us is precious.
I want to do this. I want to hear him say 'Here I am".
I was in a bible study the other night. We were talking about Isaiah 58. Did you know that was in there? I musta missed it in all those read through the bible in a year programs. Oh wait. I never DID do those. Why I didn't make it as a Baptist I think. Anyway, it's a really cool and powerful chapter. Don't wait until you're 48 to find it.
So we were in this study and I was having a hard time following, partly because I'm a guy with ADD and mostly because I'm 8 years into my diminishing mental capacity. This happens a lot to me so I usually tune out the speaker (it's not on purpose mind you, it just kinda happens) and I begin read and re-read the scripture we're studying, hoping something will make some sense. Aaannd...hoping that the leader wont ask me what I thought about what they just said.
Isaiah 58 is great and during the teaching I was reading and reading and thinking "Wow! There's something here"! and wanting to get that "something" out of it so I could speak up and be profound. Which is wholly out of my realm but hey, this was a bible study and miracles still happen. For 30 minutes I sat there with something on the tip of my brain but I couldn't pull it off. The thoughts didn't jell. man. It would have been good.
Did you ever see Braveheart? One of my most favorite movies for a lot of reasons, one of which is the scene where William Wallace shows up before a battle and rides his horse before his Scottish brothers and gives this impassioned speech. He's loud and passionate and articulate and as he parades before them and speaks the men rise up and cheer and march to battle because they know his words to be true. I love that scene.
As I was reading verses 6-9 of chapter 58 it kept coming to me in some sort of impassioned voice, like from someone who really meant it. In a William Wallace voice:
6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' (The Message)
It, was, great! Except that's not what everyone was talking about. The conversation had morphed (or maybe planned. How would I know. I wasn't listening) into confessing our hang up and bearing each others burdens. I love that and do we need it. Wish I knew how we got there though.
I confess things to people. Maybe too many things to too many people. Which is why nobody calls. I have lots of battles with lots of sins and it feels like it's too overwhelming for someone to listen to. They do because they care and they love me but after a while they stop calling. And I point a finger at no one because I'm the same. I care but I'm too busy with family and work and more than I'd like, keeping up with the Jones'. I care but only to a point, the point where it interferes with my pleasure and comfort. I fear I've become the Jones' and I've found them to be selfish and morally bankrupt. Woe is me.
In those verses He was saying, with His teeth gritted, to pour your life out, give it away for the benefit of those in need. And He said this is not something you do at you convenience or for a short time. This is a lifestyle. Mark, you do it forever. Wow. That's harsh and hard. But here's the payoff. He said when you call out He'll say 'Here I am'. Oh how I've longed to hear Him.
I guess what I had to say to the group but was too dumb to pull together was this: Confess your sins to one another and bear each others burdens. Do this because we must. But be prepared to give your life to those who entrust theirs to you. In the same way Dad passionately ask you to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and give shelter to the homeless, you must give your life in service to those who struggle. To those who need to feel the physical touch of Gods hand. Be in it for the long haul.Because each one of us is precious.
I want to do this. I want to hear him say 'Here I am".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)