Thanks

I was thinking about You today which, as You know, is more rare than I want people to know, being a spiritual big-wig and all. Anyway, I was listening to that Nat King Cole version of The Christmas Song and it made me think of this time of year and how much I love it and also reminded me of last years Christmas and what a downer it was and I just started thinking about You and how despite what my life looks like at the moment You're always there. You just care about me. Your nature I guess. I wish I were more aware of You and more loving and grateful. I'm sorry I'm not. I think I love You, just hard sometimes for me to love someone I can't see. Just ask the ones I CAN see!

So I was thinkin' about stuff and and was impressed with what You've done to me and for me so I wanted to offer up thanks....

Despite being unlovable You loved me. Thanks.
You loved Your Son but sacrificed Him for me. Wow.
Not only did You redeem my spirit You gave me YOUR Spirit.
My behavior doesn't affect Your love Or Your Spirits work to make me like You.
You are kind beyond measure, especially to me.
You gave sight and sound to this once deaf and blind man.
You are love and You do even when I don't. Mystery.
There is something about You I can't let go of (though sometimes I try)
I have a family. They love me. YOU did that!
Some have much and are poor. I have little but am Yours and so am rich.
I do anything to live. You died so I could.
I'm kinda lazy. I'm so glad You're not.

I could go on I guess but I've lost the desire to sit here and type. You are so much more than my mind can type on the keyboard. It's the end of the year and looking back I'm disappointed in my performance. My hope and prayer is that in this next year my words, actions and thoughts will be so pleasing to You. You deserve much better of me and I sure hope that if I die this time next year I'll stand before You and You'll say "Dude! That was awesome!". In Your surfer voice. Thanks Dad. Later

Let It Out

Just a short note that ought to be longer but I just want to get something down before I forget, something that's happening with alarming frequency as I age. I watched "August Rush" this morning and was so touched. Not in the head. My heart. If you'd been a fly on the wall you'd have seen a guy smiling, whimpering or flat out crying at points in a movie. I've said before I well up in movies at all the wrong moments (my kids snicker) because I see God. His character, His kindness and love, in short, my Dad being Himself.

I've always wanted to play music, especially the guitar though Keith Green made the piano awful appealing. I used to pick up the nearest tennis racket or broom and jamb with my favorite songs. I don't do that any more. I use my sons guitar from his Rock Band video game. Feels good! No, I never learned for real to play anything but the radio and only that 'cause it was easy. I never developed the follow through needed to learn. I've said before, a good starter but lousy on the follow through. So now you'll see me singing worship and love songs, strumming on my imaginary guitar. I'd like to use my imaginary piano but it's too big to fit in the car. But inside me is this amazing musician that wants so badly to get out, out and play for his Dad. And I feel like it's close, like one day something will go "click" and magic happens. One day.

So in this movie is a kid, orphaned as an infant, is now 10 and he's looking for his dad and mom. He hears music in his head, music in his bones and if he follows it he'll reconnect with his parents. The kid has a gift. He IS the music, it's what's inside him and one day he picks up a guitar and just starts to play and it's beautiful. You gotta watch this scene. The kid was so full of joy and jumps off the screen at you. I sat there watching this scene in the movie and I was weeping and smiling soooo big! The music was out, that which he somehow knew was there all along was now free. And people gathered around and smiled so big and laughed and were in awe and were touched that the music was out. I can't tell you about the end, you'll have to watch for yourself.

So I see this movie and I'm so moved because I know I have this "music" in me, the song of my Father, a love song for me and for all who will listen. It's the tale of my lover and friend Jesus. And I'm so sad because for far too long I've not let the music out, the words out because I was scared that people wouldn't like me, that they would write me off as insignificant. And it has made for a sad life of mediocrity. But I see this movie and I just want to bust at the seams and let this song of Jesus out and it feels really close, like today maybe the "click" will happen and I'll be the stark raving Jesus freak I've always imagined I'd be. Oh Jesus may it be so!