When I was a young pup and newly married they told me I had to work and support my beautiful new bride and that if I didn't she'd drop me like a hot rock now matter HOW good looking I was. And I was!! Have you seen my hair from back then? So with fear and trembling I got a job at The Breakers Hotel and to this day I can't tell you why they hired me. (My Dad again). The first day they had me wait in the bosses outer office for 3 hours before they had me go scrape hardened scum off the pool pump room floor. Talk about make work. This went on for a year and a half but I had a chance to work with some old timers who were a wealth of knowledge about fixin' and building things. A priceless education.
Did you go to college? I did. I got good at ping pong and a beautiful wife out of the deal. Education? Aaahhh...not so much. I went 'cause my best friend Lou went, and because I wanted to be a youth minister. My wife say's "you didn't want to be a youth minister, you wanted to be a youth!". She has this way of beating around the bush... . I played a lot and studied little which was obvious to my professors and anyone who saw my report card before I stuffed it down a culvert. I loved Jesus and wanted to serve Him so I did what all little Baptist boys do who want to serve, I went to Jesus school.
I don't know, it's weird when you look back at your life and it's not at all like you imagined it might be when you started. But I look close and I so much see the hand of my Dad leading me. I've been like a blind man trying to walk on a winding path, always having to have Him reach out and grab me and pull me back onto the path. I started out thinking I'd study then speak with boldness to the masses only to learn I'm not smart (book smart that is) and can't teach to save my life (or any others). I DID learn though, that I could hammer a nail, change out a water pump and alternator, install a ceiling fan or paint a house. Not the education I had paid for but the one I needed.
I'm so tired of politics. I get this way at the end of every political season. So many mailers, commercials and posts on Facebook and Twitter. Passionate people thinking their brand of thinking will make this a better place. Yeah, maybe. Maybe not. It's really too big for me to think about. I'll vote 'cause I need to have a say but I feel like it doesn't matter because I'm just one little guy and government is, well, government. I think I can hold on...just a few...more...days....
I have a friend whom I love and admire so much but he probably doesn't know it. How would he though, I've never told him. Anyway , he's Ericson Frank and he has this group called Christians Concerned for the Community he's the director of and they do some amazing work for those in need. You know, the fixin' up kind of stuff. He posted some pictures on Facebook of a house they made over for some one. Repaired, painted, built a wheel chair ramp and so on. All volunteer. The owners seemed so happy and by the end, they knew Jesus cared and loved them. Nice
So I'm looking at all the political posts on Facebook and I just get tired. People can post, that's fine. Free country and all. But I wont read. Maybe because I don't think it matters. Or maybe I don't think Jesus really care's so why should I. I mean I do, just not that much. But then I stumble on pictures Ericson and friends as they repair these folks home and I smile so big. It's my Dad at work through those who love Him. Him governing HIS kingdom. I think that's the world I want to live in, one in which it doesn't matter who's runnin' the government. It doesn't matter of the rules are fair or not, that they favor one over another.I want to live in Ericsons world where those they serve know God favors THEM. I love those pictures. Those are the posts that change me. That bring me joy.
So I have this education, you know the one I didn't pay for, the one my Dad gave me to serve others. I've been pretty selfish with it. Probably should call the fellas over at CCC ( cccgainesville.org) and volunteer some time. What's a few hours a month? Probably a good way to share the hope that's within me.
There're probably not too many of you out there who've wasted your gift's and talents for too long like me but if you count yourself among those I'd like to say get busy. You've got things about you that can speak Jesus into someones life and it'd be such a waste if you didn't use them. And when you do, Twit or post some pictures. I know of one guy that feels good when he see's those.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
tick - tock
One of the sweetest words in a workin' mans vocabulary is vacation. It is so awesome to get away. So I imagine. I haven't had one in I think 5 years. Maybe 4. I guess It's been too long if I can't remember. I haven't had a PAID vacation in 15 years! Oh the joy's of a small business owner.... . Let's hope for next year. Maybe I should plan rather than hope but that sounds kind of adultish. My wife can only hope...
I think there are two kinds of vacations: the restful kind and the play kind. The restful would be like a 2 week cruise up the Alaskan coast and the playful the Disney thing. One you come back recharged and the other you come back needing another week off. I combine the two. When we DO go on vacation we go to Maine to visit Terri's family. What a wonderful people and a slow, restful place but there is so much to do and see and I just can't get enough. I get up at 5:00 a.m. and hit the ground running, just doin' stuff. It's so dumb to get up that early especially on vacation but I feel like I don't want to miss a minute of what awaits me. And I milk every sweet moment of the day until I drop into bed, dead tired at midnight. 2 weeks of that and who wouldn't be worn out.
I got bad news from my mom a few days back. Said my cousin had died suddenly, probably a brain aneurysm. He was only 55. There was a day when I thought 55 was pretty old but now, yikes! I turned 47 a few days back and 55 doesn't seem that far off. Way too young to die. I wonder what he missed? I mean, we all have things we'd like to do in life, things we'd like to experience before taking the eternal dirt nap. Did he do all he had planned? Guess most of us don't get to do ALL we imagine but I sure would like to live long enough to give it a try.
I said I'm 47 now and I think I'm having this mid life crisis thing. Maybe not the full blown crisis. I haven't bought the convertible yet. Or run off with the milk man. Don't ask don't tell. I'm just not....satisfied. With what I can't put a finger on. Life feels good but not as good as it should have been. I am blessed with so much but I feel like one of those homeless guys pushing an old shopping cart down the street overflowing with stuff. Yeah, you've got stuff but dude, your pushing a shopping cart down the street. To where? To what end? To get more things in the cart?
Sometimes I feel alone and ashamed because I sit in church staring at the balding, graying heads of my peers and think they've got it together and wished I'd have listened to my elders when they said to make a 10 year, 20 year, 40 year plan for your life. Think about retirement. Think about your wife and kids. The grand kids. Your death. Your legacy. Don't just let life happen. Don't get to it tomorrow. Those tomorrows disappear like smoke. So I sit here and watch those balding pates nodding, some to the preachers words, some as they sleep through the words and I wonder. Are they happy with where they're at in life or they like me and are a little sad, knowing that life could have been....better. I do have a good life, only maybe not as good a one as I should have had. Never too late though.
Now I find myself as one of these old (er) men who want to say to the young "make a plan, find out what's important and build your life around it. Serve those around you. Your wife. Your kids. Make the time. Take those playful vacations and those slow peaceful ones. Make sure to every day love them. Serve and love your neighbor. Your sisters and brothers. Go on those mission trips. Make plans. And do them. Take care of your body, exercise and eat your veggies, you have to last a long time. And it does seem like a long time when you're 25 but in a very few days you'll be 47 and saying where did it go?" Yeah. That's what I want to say. Life is a vapor and if we aren't careful we'll have spent it ignorant busyness serving a cunning viper instead of purposely loving voluminous God. Sorry. That last part sounded kinda preachery. You get the idea.
I think there are two kinds of vacations: the restful kind and the play kind. The restful would be like a 2 week cruise up the Alaskan coast and the playful the Disney thing. One you come back recharged and the other you come back needing another week off. I combine the two. When we DO go on vacation we go to Maine to visit Terri's family. What a wonderful people and a slow, restful place but there is so much to do and see and I just can't get enough. I get up at 5:00 a.m. and hit the ground running, just doin' stuff. It's so dumb to get up that early especially on vacation but I feel like I don't want to miss a minute of what awaits me. And I milk every sweet moment of the day until I drop into bed, dead tired at midnight. 2 weeks of that and who wouldn't be worn out.
I got bad news from my mom a few days back. Said my cousin had died suddenly, probably a brain aneurysm. He was only 55. There was a day when I thought 55 was pretty old but now, yikes! I turned 47 a few days back and 55 doesn't seem that far off. Way too young to die. I wonder what he missed? I mean, we all have things we'd like to do in life, things we'd like to experience before taking the eternal dirt nap. Did he do all he had planned? Guess most of us don't get to do ALL we imagine but I sure would like to live long enough to give it a try.
I said I'm 47 now and I think I'm having this mid life crisis thing. Maybe not the full blown crisis. I haven't bought the convertible yet. Or run off with the milk man. Don't ask don't tell. I'm just not....satisfied. With what I can't put a finger on. Life feels good but not as good as it should have been. I am blessed with so much but I feel like one of those homeless guys pushing an old shopping cart down the street overflowing with stuff. Yeah, you've got stuff but dude, your pushing a shopping cart down the street. To where? To what end? To get more things in the cart?
Sometimes I feel alone and ashamed because I sit in church staring at the balding, graying heads of my peers and think they've got it together and wished I'd have listened to my elders when they said to make a 10 year, 20 year, 40 year plan for your life. Think about retirement. Think about your wife and kids. The grand kids. Your death. Your legacy. Don't just let life happen. Don't get to it tomorrow. Those tomorrows disappear like smoke. So I sit here and watch those balding pates nodding, some to the preachers words, some as they sleep through the words and I wonder. Are they happy with where they're at in life or they like me and are a little sad, knowing that life could have been....better. I do have a good life, only maybe not as good a one as I should have had. Never too late though.
Now I find myself as one of these old (er) men who want to say to the young "make a plan, find out what's important and build your life around it. Serve those around you. Your wife. Your kids. Make the time. Take those playful vacations and those slow peaceful ones. Make sure to every day love them. Serve and love your neighbor. Your sisters and brothers. Go on those mission trips. Make plans. And do them. Take care of your body, exercise and eat your veggies, you have to last a long time. And it does seem like a long time when you're 25 but in a very few days you'll be 47 and saying where did it go?" Yeah. That's what I want to say. Life is a vapor and if we aren't careful we'll have spent it ignorant busyness serving a cunning viper instead of purposely loving voluminous God. Sorry. That last part sounded kinda preachery. You get the idea.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
He's here but He's not here.....
Still stumbling......
When I was a kid I loved to play hide and seek and I was GOOD at it. My mom and dad's back yard was a perfect place to play it because it had lots of bushes, trees and structures (read : junk) to hide behind or in. It was always a point of pride to hear the hunter say I give up. Happened with me all the time. Like I said, I was good. And on the rare occasion when I was found I was fast and made it to base without being tagged. Good times.
I like playing hide and seek with my grandson. He's 3. He's easy to find which means I win. Feels good. Yeah, I know, he's only 3 but..... . He'll go in the bed room and call out "come and find me but I'm not in the bedroom". Easy win. I go in and there's this big lump under the sheets and I'll look every where but there and say "well, I guess he's not here, I better go..." and a voice from the bed say's "you didn't look under the sheet". "Oh, no I didn't. Well that's just a pillow under there" "No it's not" the bed says. As I approach he erupts from under the sheets and attacks me like the monster he is. Like I said, easy win.
There's a scene in the 2nd Rambo movie where he's being hunted in the jungle by a group of soldiers and silently, one by one he's killing them off. One of them is standing by a mud covered hill scanning all around him when the mud opens it's eyes and reaches out with this huge knife and guts the guy. Amazing. I say amazing because he was in plain sight right next to the guy but couldn't be seen. Standing next to someone and not being seen. Now THAT'S hiding!
We had a mens meeting at church. Breakfast and conversation, some games and teaching. A good time. I guess. I can only guess because I left after a while. Didn't say bye or nothing, just left. I felt like you feel at a party when you don't really want to be there and you really don't have much to say and you feel like the wallflowers at the high school dance who sit in their chair until mommy comes to pick them up. My mommy is in Louisville until the end of this month and I couldn't wait that long for her so I left on my own. I think I wasn't in the mood for fun -n- fellowship.Yeah. I'm weird. I think I just wanted to go back to my hiding place. My oldest daughter Kara was maybe 3 when I tried to explain God and how He's everywhere, even right in this room but you just can't see Him. She thought for a moment and said "He's here but He's not here, right?" Uuuhh...right. Hiding in plain sight.
So my life's been at best, fair this year with a few bright spots along the way to keep me moving. I have good things going for me and am really taken care of by my Dad. But I've had a lot of day to day struggles that have turned me from happy-go-lucky to kind of a sad sack type of guy who some days just barely makes it through. I don't know, maybe I don't pray or read scripture enough, love my neighbor as myself or brush and floss enough. Maybe that's the way of things at times in life and you have to just make it through by gritting your teeth and just do it. I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. Which is why I hide I think. Don't want to burden anyone with a life mundane.
I've learned that if you show up and smile people think life's grand. That's how I hide. Smile and crack a few funnies and ask a few questions. I'm here but I'm not here. Then I leave, sneak out when nobody's lookin' so they don't have a chance to ask too many questions of me and find out how sad life can be sometimes. I think I feel like people will start to say "oh-oh, here comes Mr. Woe Is Me, smile and wave, just smile and wave....". It's just my imagination but sometimes that can pretty powerful. It makes me want to hide.
I know there are people out there in the same place in life as I am this year. I even think I know who a few are. I've not made much of an effort to find your hiding place. Kinda hard to if I wont get out of mine. I'm so sorry. All I can say is hold on. I'm about to come out of my spot, maybe, and you can take my hand and we can get found together.
When I was a kid I loved to play hide and seek and I was GOOD at it. My mom and dad's back yard was a perfect place to play it because it had lots of bushes, trees and structures (read : junk) to hide behind or in. It was always a point of pride to hear the hunter say I give up. Happened with me all the time. Like I said, I was good. And on the rare occasion when I was found I was fast and made it to base without being tagged. Good times.
I like playing hide and seek with my grandson. He's 3. He's easy to find which means I win. Feels good. Yeah, I know, he's only 3 but..... . He'll go in the bed room and call out "come and find me but I'm not in the bedroom". Easy win. I go in and there's this big lump under the sheets and I'll look every where but there and say "well, I guess he's not here, I better go..." and a voice from the bed say's "you didn't look under the sheet". "Oh, no I didn't. Well that's just a pillow under there" "No it's not" the bed says. As I approach he erupts from under the sheets and attacks me like the monster he is. Like I said, easy win.
There's a scene in the 2nd Rambo movie where he's being hunted in the jungle by a group of soldiers and silently, one by one he's killing them off. One of them is standing by a mud covered hill scanning all around him when the mud opens it's eyes and reaches out with this huge knife and guts the guy. Amazing. I say amazing because he was in plain sight right next to the guy but couldn't be seen. Standing next to someone and not being seen. Now THAT'S hiding!
We had a mens meeting at church. Breakfast and conversation, some games and teaching. A good time. I guess. I can only guess because I left after a while. Didn't say bye or nothing, just left. I felt like you feel at a party when you don't really want to be there and you really don't have much to say and you feel like the wallflowers at the high school dance who sit in their chair until mommy comes to pick them up. My mommy is in Louisville until the end of this month and I couldn't wait that long for her so I left on my own. I think I wasn't in the mood for fun -n- fellowship.Yeah. I'm weird. I think I just wanted to go back to my hiding place. My oldest daughter Kara was maybe 3 when I tried to explain God and how He's everywhere, even right in this room but you just can't see Him. She thought for a moment and said "He's here but He's not here, right?" Uuuhh...right. Hiding in plain sight.
So my life's been at best, fair this year with a few bright spots along the way to keep me moving. I have good things going for me and am really taken care of by my Dad. But I've had a lot of day to day struggles that have turned me from happy-go-lucky to kind of a sad sack type of guy who some days just barely makes it through. I don't know, maybe I don't pray or read scripture enough, love my neighbor as myself or brush and floss enough. Maybe that's the way of things at times in life and you have to just make it through by gritting your teeth and just do it. I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. Which is why I hide I think. Don't want to burden anyone with a life mundane.
I've learned that if you show up and smile people think life's grand. That's how I hide. Smile and crack a few funnies and ask a few questions. I'm here but I'm not here. Then I leave, sneak out when nobody's lookin' so they don't have a chance to ask too many questions of me and find out how sad life can be sometimes. I think I feel like people will start to say "oh-oh, here comes Mr. Woe Is Me, smile and wave, just smile and wave....". It's just my imagination but sometimes that can pretty powerful. It makes me want to hide.
I know there are people out there in the same place in life as I am this year. I even think I know who a few are. I've not made much of an effort to find your hiding place. Kinda hard to if I wont get out of mine. I'm so sorry. All I can say is hold on. I'm about to come out of my spot, maybe, and you can take my hand and we can get found together.
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