Lost in Publix

I hope they have a Publix in Heaven.

I like to shop . For food , not clothes . I was in Walmart yesterday and they had racks and racks of clothes on clearance and these ladies were pawing through them , picking them up and holding them up , turning them this way and that .  Then they hold 'em up to themselves and ask a stranger , a complete stranger , " What do you think ? Will it make my hips look big?" And the lady says "YES"! But then she shuffles around in a basket and pulls out a pair of pants and says "try these". "Oh those are nice" she says as she holds them up to her waist and smiles . "My husband will love these". I walked away with 2 thoughts . One , I hope there is a lot of elastic in the waist band and two , her husband will NOT notice because the only time a husband notices a wife's clothes is when they're not on .

Food is easy to shop for . You make a list and it's like an Easter egg hunt . You take a basket and go around and fill it up with all kinds of yumminess . And ALWAYS get a cart and not one of those little plastic carry baskets they have at the front door 'cause you KNOW it'll be too full when you get to the register . And you'll be behind the guy who puts his stuff on the end of the conveyor belt and wont move it forward because he likes to see food move on it's own . Get the cart on wheels , you'll be more comfortable .

My wife doesn't like me to go to Publix with her . Something about her 'alone' time . In a store full of people . But they're not her people . After years of going with a bunch of kids I get that . It's just I'm not one of them . Mostly .

I remember going to Publix with my mom when I was 4 or 5 and getting lost . I walked away from her and went a few isles over looking for Kool-Aid . I don't remember if I found it but when I went back to mom she wasn't there . I can so clearly remember and even feel the sense of panic that came over me . She was gone! I walked over from isle to isle looking and calling out her name . Which was mom . Did you ever find that weird that everybody else's mom had a name like Mrs. Barber or Mrs. Jones but yours was just mom? Thoughts like this is why I did kindergarten twice I think .  And as I call out for mom I wander farther away and begin to feel abandoned and  alone . And I cry . Eventually someone finds this weeping 4 year old and takes him by the hand and brings me back to momma . And that's where the memory ends . I have so few memories of my childhood and I don't know why this one stuck around . Odd .

My life with God is kinda like my Publix experience I think . I walk with Him as he puts the provisions of life in my basket and we do it hand in hand . But he gave me the freedom to walk beside Him and even go ahead on my own . To do as He does and be as He made me to be . But sometimes I go back an isle or two and look at something that wasn't for me to have . Or take something I wasn't supposed to have yet . Or sometimes just wander .

I've been in a place now where I've just been wandering . At some point I knew I was lost and I called out for my Dad but I couldn't hear His answer . I searched and called (this is a big world) and have felt so lost and alone . Have you ever felt this way ? I know He's here and I know He loves and cares for me because I know Him . But some times it feels so very opposite and I don't know what to believe . But I trust Him and I know He's always with me . I have to believe that .

I'm walking back now . Because He calls me with that still small voice (whatever that is) . And because I'm tired of wandering (again) . I just want to be in my Dads arms again and for it to be like I imagine it to be . He knows .

If you happen to find this 4 year old weeping in the produce isle you have his permission to take him by the hand . To wipe a tear and walk together to the place where a Father is waiting for His son . I don't want to be lost .