I went to visit a friend in hospice today . She's dying . She's the mother of one of the kids we grew up with . Cancer . I probably hadn't seen her in a couple of years so I wasn't ready for what I saw . You know those stick figure people you draw as a kid? She was like that . Only smaller .
My dad died a few years ago . Cancer as well . He didn't last long after he found out - about 3 months and most of that wasn't too painful for him . More of an inconvenience . The end came quick . About a week in hospice and like a puff of smoke he was gone. Poof ! 74 years of opportunity ended . Was it enough?
I don't know what to say to people on their death beds. Thankfully I've not had a lot of practice but I wish I had some tools of conversation to use here . The usual 'Hi-how are you" or 'Well don't you look good today' don't really work . I used that last one today . On a stick figure . That's why they don't normally let me in . I just looked her in the eyes and had not much to say . I wanted to make her feel good . To smile or laugh and see some life return to that frail body . I wanted to make her forget about the end of the journey in this earthly vessel . I wanted her to have a good day .
I don't know why I'm writing this today. Feeling a little helpless. I think sadness as well. Sad yeah because she's a friend (though not a close one) but I think more so because of my life. Or more accurately the lack of life in my life . Where did it go, this life I've been given . What did I spend it on? On WHO did I spend it? I'm sad to say far too often it was on me . I was dealt perfect hand in life from the Dealer who is so wise . I should have gone all in at every opportunity but I held onto my chips and ended up playing penny ante poker with the riches before me .
My prayer today is that I won't someday be a stick figure of my former self laying in a bed before eternity and at my side a pile of chips . I hope I spend it all . I want to go all in....
Sounds like you are coming into a real fruit bearing season, Mark. All this pruning is painful, but serves to make you a better tree.
ReplyDeleteWe’re getting about a half-hour more of daylight now than a month ago. That’s a half-hour less of dark.
ReplyDeleteWhen it’s been dark, SO DARK for SO LONG and it starts to turn around, you don’t notice it at first.
It can take awhile to realize.
Then one day you can’t miss it.
You’ll see.
Don't worry Mark
ReplyDeleteLike the old Proverb says, It's always darkest...before the lights go out completely.