Tuesday, December 4, 2012

98 lb. Weakling

Maybe more like 250 lb weakling . Fine . 258 lb. weakling .

We have a digital scale so it doesn't have one of those spinny things on the front edge to adjust it with . That was a magic button back in the day . How smart are we that we'd spin that ol' button to be five pounds off , KNOW it was five pounds off and step on the scale and smile . "Well lookie there! Down 5 pounds! Hey honey, come look at this!" And somehow , on some retarded inner level we believe we're down five .

I used to do sorta the same thing with my alarm clock . Set it 15 minutes off so when the alarm went off in the morning I knew I had 15 more minutes than what actually showed . Brilliant . I'd figured out time travel and the space time continum stuff by age 15 . Who knew it would come down to a little button on the side of the clock .

I went to a men's meeting this past weekend . A retreat really . A Friday through Sunday sorta thing where you go to away to some camp ground to meet and eat for 48 hours . Everybody says they like these things . Especially wives . " Please Jesus , it's cheaper for me to send him to YOU this weekend than to call a lawyer so PLEASE throttle the jerk and . . . ". We try to do this once a year 'cause . . . it's good for us ? Makes us better men ? I guess . Anybody remember Promise Keepers ? How long is the boost supposed to last ? If I get pulled over for DUI on the way home do I get my money back ?

At church on Sunday , still smelling of camp fire and beef  the pastor say's we all had an awesome time and "you men that didn't make it sure missed out". I guess .

I used to LOVE to go to these things but the ones of late felt like a waste . Not to most but for me for sure . I'm almost certain it has to do with me and and not God . Last year I was in a very bad place and it was awful to be there . And it was a great meeting . Plenty of help there if I'd have just asked . Lots of Gods men there . It just didn't click . This year though I'm fine . I'm not in a bad place , just in an 'I don't care about much mood' with a side of a selfish outlook . Ok . That's a bad place . I went .

I read the guy's book before so I wasn't wowed or touched when he gave his speeches though they were good . To be fair I don't get much from any speaker because my mind wanders off after 5 minutes and doesn't come back until the 3rd verse of ' Just As I Am ' . I like it when you get to fill in blanks as you go along . I feel like I'm taking notes though really the speaker did all the work except for one or two words per line . Kinda like the coloring page the kids get at the restaurant . And some adults . Something to do .

"What do you delight about in me? What do you enjoy about me Dad ?"  This was one of 3 questions he gave us to pray on and see what God said . I missed the other 2 because I was writing the whole dang sentence instead of filling in a blank . "I enjoy and delight that you are quiet . That you often don't know what to say . You're my wallflower ." I cried as I walked to the park bench to pray . He didn't give me a chance to open my mouth , He just blurted it out . I cried 'cause that's not who I want to be .

" Strong men do strong things . Weak men do God things . 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me ." You sat there on the couch last night Mark feeling like a wall flower and despising it , Uncomfortable in you're weakness and wishing you were a strong man . Yes, I gave you the desire to talk and prattle on but not much ability . I don't want them to see a strong man . I want them to see Me . My love . My kindness . My delight Mark , is you . You weakling . Now about that 258 lbs . . . . ."