Once upon a time there was a forest on a hill which was so lush and beautiful that people would stop and look with awe and wonder and from time to time they would run up close just to touch it. One day the owner of the hill noticed the forest starting to die out and recede up the hill and after a time only the sides of the hill contained any remnants of it's former beauty. And lo, sadness overcame him.
Terri cut my hair tonight. Funny. It seems like not too long ago I never wanted it cut. Guess that was back when I had more. I like the fact I said "had more". Means I still have SOME! It used to be that I'd have to change the vacuum bag after a cut. Now Terri say the dustbuster will do fine. Or she uses those little broom and dust pans you get to clean out the car. man.....
I got out of the shower the other day and was looking at my forehead, the part where hair used to grow. I saw one little hair down there all by itself, curled up like it was cold and all alone in the world. Poor thing had been left behind when all the others had migrated south. To my back. What's the deal with back hair after 40? I reached up and pulled it out. I had to. I know what it's like to be lonely.
I try to keep my hair sorta short these days. Guys with a balding pate don't look all that great with long hair. I guess you can go the whole comb over route but really, everyone knows you're trying to hide something. And most people who do this think it works. " Dennis, what's different? You look great. Did you get a new tie? Wait, weren't you bald yesterday?"
I'm trying to decide whether to get a buzz cut or not. Not all the way off though. Leave enough on to let people know I've still got it going on up there. I'm not sure this will happen though. Terri doesn't think it'll look good and since she's the one with the scissors....
I was talking with a friend today about things not being like we thought they'd be when we grew up. We're all pretty idealistic when we're 20 and it didn't matter what the old folks told us it would be like. Which is probably for the best. If they really KNEW what might be in store they'd never leave home. Why I'm not telling my kids nothing. 'Cept how great it is "out there". Don't y'all screw this up for me. Just a couple more years, a couple more years... .
I thought my life would be better. Easier somehow. It's not. I'm ok with this on some level because I know that's how life is. We all have out share of struggles I just thought there would be more victories and stories of over-coming. Instead I find I'm not too different from 25 years ago and that makes me sad. I AM different of course but maybe some how not different enough. I feel bad for my family. I shoulda been better. And I still can be but I wasted a lot of time. I move forward....
I know some of you out there who's life is hard. Your hopes and dream, your expectations and plans receded like my hair line. you never saw it coming. And you cry and weep and think you can't take much more and wonder where the heck is God. I've been there, got the tee shirt. I wish I knew what to say to the hurting and lonely but I'm not good with words and even less so with wisdom. I think for me it's finding a friend(s) to talk with. Sometimes you gotta try a few because some don't really know what to say and never call you back. That's ok, some folks can't relate. But lots do care. I do. Just don't let yourself get stuck out there like my little hair. You make yourself an easy target for plucking. If you ever want to talk I'd love to hear from you. Maybe we can figure out...well...something. I do know Jesus loves me and I walk (or stumble) with Him and He said He'd never leave or forsake me and for today, that's enough.
