What did you sign up for? You know, what did you expect it would be like when you became a christian? I think like a lot of people who "got saved" when they were young, I had no expectations. I just didn't want to go to hell. I had a wonderful youth minister who showed up when I was a junior or senior in high school and he was different. He didn't get involved as much in the games and activities of the kids like other guys before him. He was interested in Jesus. It's not to say his predecessors weren't, just not like him. He did stuff for and WITH Jesus. He was fresh out of seminary where he did the stuff (Jesus stuff) not for class credit, not for pay, not 'cause his sunday school class was doing it. He did it because it was what Jesus was doing. So he got on board and changed lives. He seemed to really know God , not just about him. It was an amazing 2 years I spent with him. I learned a lot. But it wasn't the bible though. Oh there was that to be sure but what I really learned was this dude KNEW Jesus. He talked, listened, smiled with and at Jesus. He had fun with God.
THAT is what I signed up for. Well, not at first but I grew into it. God was real. I saw it in this mans life. This is what I wanted to be when I grew up. They say the most spiritual people you know also live 500 miles away. You can't really see their life. You just hear the stories. Well, a man who loved Jesus lived 5 miles away and I got to see him a lot.And he really did love Jesus. So I wanted to be THIS kind of christian. I wanted to wake up each morning and really meet Jesus. Eat bowl of oatmeal and toast with Jesus and say "what are we doing today"?. Then we'd go do it. I'd open the good book and Holy Spirit would say "check his part out" . We'd spend good parts of the day just talking. Not praying. Just talking. Then in the end, He'd tuck me in, kiss me good night and we'd do it all over again tomorrow. That happened some. But not often enough.
Funny where you end up in life. Or sad. The alcoholic doesn't plan to be one. Nor the drug addict. Or the porn addict. They just kind of ease into it. Over time. Hard days. Lonely nights. Bad jobs, relationships and money. Me? I'm addicted alright. To laziness. Which has led in part to where I am most of the time- a luke warm christian. I sorta love Jesus. I mean, I love him. Just not with the intensity I imagined I would at this point in life. I'm supposed to be a grown up after all. But life. Life happened to me. Wife, children, jobs, house, cars, cats, bills. The american dream. Some dream. It's not that those things are bad in and of themselves. I've just not managed them well. I've loved the dream but not the giver of dreams. So here I am, mostly luke warm. But I still want what I signed up for. I really do. I want to love God. To talk. To do. To be His friend. Is that too much to ask? We'll see...tomorrow is a new day....