SCREWED

I thought I'd never drive . I didn't get my license until I was 18 . I knew if I ever did  learn I'd have to learn in a light blue 1978 Chevrolet Impala . Station wagon . When you're 15 isn't a station wagon just a brightly painted hearse ? In fact , when you're 15 wouldn't it be way cooler to drive an actual  hearse ? What say's street cred more than a 15 year old in a hearse ? It would be a chick magnet right , even for this 15 year old ? What's really behind those dark tinted windows with those swag curtains they'd want to know. If the hearse is a rockin'. . . .  .

I drive like my dad . Slow and steady wins the race . Maybe he was hell on wheels before I knew him but all I remember is getting honked at by passing cyclists . Possibly because he drove a Volkswagon Rabbit and a Datsun B210 before that . Not familiar with those ? On the historical time line they're sandwiched somewhere between the invention of the wheel and the wheel barrow . Not the fastest of rides but it seemed to suit him . My mom on the other hand drive like a woman running moonshine in a dry county . pssshh . Earnhardt . He never drove against my  mother . Well , all in all I think I turned out ok in the driving department . I mean I can at least .

Another thing I can do is fix cars . Well , in a gorilla can fix a stuck door sorta way . I have my wife to thank for that . When we were first married she asked me to fix a stuck glove box or something and I gave my litany of excuses of why it couldn't be done except the true one about how I was mentally retarded when it came to fixing cars . ''It's ok snookems (she doesn't call me that anymore) . My brothers have been fixing cars for years . Mike is coming . He can fix anything I need ''. I didn't know at the time what a gauntlet was but it was thrown down so off I went to Sears for a set of Craftsman tools so I could rescue my fair maiden in her time of despair . And have been doing so in the many years since .

I don't remember what I fixed then but I'm sure I had parts left over . I always seem to . A few extra screws , a nut or bolt or bracket . Something . I have a jar filled with all the left overs , thinking that some day , with all the cars we've had over the years between my wife and kids and me , I'll have enough to make a whole new one . I mentioned one time I took the dash off to fix the A/C and had 19 screws left over . 19 ! I keep thinking they must not be necessary , hoping really . I fear the day when I hit a speed bump doing 35 and end up with the dash in my lap and the air bag flapping out the window . But until then they'll just decorate my shop in the jar for the unnecessary .

In church this morning someone said something that made me think of those parts . Those screws . The screws that no one sees . The screws that are so insignificant that they aren't even noticed when they're gone . Do you ever feel like that ? Like your role in life is so small you don't really matter and in fact the world seems to operate just fine even when you've checked out . It's a bummer of a feeling going around knowing  you're not really  necessary . I feel like that at times . Like this blog . I read other peoples stuff and I'm like 'why even try? Everybody else is so much better'. I have to tell myself ''So what?''. Of course there are people better . Doesn't mean I take my ball and go home . Well, I guess I have the last 6 months but never mind that . I'm back .

Somewhere at General Motors there's a bespectacled engineer with high water pants, a pocket protector and a salary somewhere north of 80 grand who drew the spot where the screw held the thing a ma jig to the manifold . He though it was important and he should know . He designed it . He knows it works without it but better with it . And somewhere out there , is the Engineer of the universe who is way smart and knows what works best . Who best to be a screw and who to be a wheel . A trunk . A horn . I'm sort of a screw , or one of the minor parts that no one sees . I wanted to be a paint job . Flashy . Attention grabbing . I like to have people polish me . But I'm a screw who's been in a jar for a while . Maybe I should get back in my place and do my job . How 'bout you? Anonymity anyone ?