Sign Here Please

Where do I start? I found out recently there are some things that happen in life that throw you for a loop and when the dust clears you don't know . Know what to say . Know how to say . When to say . To whom to say . To family of course . Obviously . And then . . . . It effects only some of the everybody's we know but then I don't know how I know . Maybe it effects a nobody in the everybody's who turns out to be a somebody one day that anybody could have seen coming in the future . Sorry . I'm obfuscating 'cause I'm scared to tell you . . . But here goes , what I know as told to me and my own personal recollections . I hope it helps . . . .

I couldn't breath . I couldn't feel my legs. With tears in my eyes I opened my mouth and tried to suck in air as my heart pounded out of my chest . The air I managed to take in felt like fire . I think we all know this day will come but you never reeeally expect it . And we hope it wont be this bad .
"You ok dare buddy? Look at me . Look in my eyes !" Whats this guys deal yelling at me like this . It's not like I'm dying .
"Mark ! You gonna make it Mark? Hold on for me buddy!" He said Mark like Maawk . He's from Brooklyn I think. Or is it the Bronx . I'm from the south so what do I know about New York ?
"Gee he don't look so good Vin . I don't tink he gonna make it ."
"Tito shut ya mouth  and gimme some water an a towel " he barks . "He's gonna make it." He said water like 'waaada' .
I'm sweating bullets . I think Tito's right . I'm not gonna make it . I feel someones hands on me . Pushing . My shirt is off and it feels weird having someone else's hand on me . I think it's the Vin guy . Vin . Gotta be short for Vinny right? Which is short for Vincent I think . Why do parents give names to kids that are gonna be shortened anyway? Just go with Bob or Joe to start with . Maybe corporations are right . Maybe we should be a number . I want to be 37 .
It's funny what goes through your mind at a time like this .
"Stay wid me Maawk . Ya gonna make it . . . "
" He's fadin Vinny , he . . ."
I knew it was Vinny . He shoots , he scores .
". . . ain't breedin so good ."
And Vinny's pounding on me and yelling something I can't hear and my heart struggles to pound the way it has for fifty  years and I know it's the end , my body's spent and as my eye's close and my muscles go limp and I begin to fall , finally into eternity and my ears grasp one final sound .
"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . . "

Darkness . Silence . Void . "What's happening to me?"  I remember thinking . Why am I here and how am I here . A voice breaks the emptiness as if carried by a faint breeze and whispers "Sign here please ." It's the voice of satan .
" Huh?" I mumble , staring at her . He's a she .
"I  saaiiddd . . . " drawing the word out , "sign here please , right by the X."
"I uugh , I . . ."
"Look Maawk . . " .She begins in that high pitch Brooklyn accent . Satan's a New Yorker . This , I believe . " . . . we done been ova dis so jus sign an-"
"Oh , right . I was just reading the-"
"You's don't gotta read it , it's just standard boiler plate . Look , " she says with apparent exasperation , "I got a hair appointment in ten minutes so if you don't mind ," she says and points to the X . "Sign here please ."

. . . eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep . Beep .Beep . Beep . I take a violent deep breath and my eyes flair open . My heart's still pounding , sweat pouring off my balding head and my legs . . . I can't feel my legs . "Oh God , what have I done? What's happening to  me?" I think when , wham , there's a slap to my back and a burst of pain as the treadmill slows to the off position and a voice exclaims "Maawk ! Ya did it ! Ha ha . . . I knew ya had it in ya ! "Tito didn't tink so but I knew if I pushed ya ya'd make it altho ya had me scared dare for a second . Taut he might be right and we was gonna lose ya's ! Hey Tito ! I tol ya he was gonna make it din I ? Dat's ma boy ! Alright , now hit the showers and tomorrow , we'll see if we's can get ya's up to a half mile !" he said with a big 'atta boy' smile and pounds me on the back one more time as a send off . "Tomorrow" He yells . "Don't be late!"
I can't believe I joined a gym . An enthusiastic psycho gym . Man . How'd I get talked into this I think to myself as I walk toward the exit . As I pass the front desk I see a man pondering a sheet of paper , a pen in his hand and I wonder if I should intervene . Behind the desk I see satan , impatiently tapping her fingers on the blotter , a Malboro pinched between her lips , blue smoke wafting upward toward yellowed ceiling tiles . She glances over and looks at me and smiles a devious smile , takes a deep drag and  blows me an air kiss filled with nicotine . I shudder and put my head down and walk out the door . She did have nice hair though .

I found out recently what they did before gyms . They did push ups and sit ups at home . And ran around the block . Well some of us did . Mostly though , I think anymore we only eat at home and drive around the block . Some of us even eat while driving around the block ! I'm hopeless .

Most of us need help to accomplish something important or significant in our lives I reckon because most of those lofty things in life are hard to get . They take effort and I think , mostly , time . If you're anything like me you're a great starter but not so good on the follow through . In my case I've found I'm lazy surrounded with pockets of hard work and I try to only let the pockets show . Gotta look good for my fans . I've come to know there's a whole lot more cloth in the rest of the pants than what makes up the pockets and I better take care of that or there'll be no pockets to worry with . And I can't do it alone . And I think I'm not alone .

There is a reason there are gyms. And Alcoholics Anonymous . And Weight Watchers . And psychiatrists and psychologists . And churches . An good neighbors . We weren't built to do it by ourselves . We all have frailties and weaknesses that sometime become anything from bad habits to addictions and we hide it . Can't have people thinking bad about us . The Apostle Paul said in Galatians 6 to carry each others burdens because life is hard . We find ourselves stuck in a rut , depressed , and addicted to booze or TV or a bucket of fried chicken as a way to deal . And deal we must , but don't do it alone . You'll never make it . 

I'm in a rut . I hate being in the place in life I am and some days I can barely work . I've been here before . I get out , man up , but seem to get back in the rut now days as quick as I get out of 'em and it's a merry-go-round I want to get off of . I called the preacher today . He'll help . I'm going to see some friends . They will too . Probably I'll go to the gym . And eat better , maybe broccoli  and kale . Whoa . Gear down there big shifter , don't want to move too fast . I've learned you can live life while ignoring God and get by . And be miserable . I don't want to be miserable anymore .

There's a dotted line before my life with a caption above it . It says 'Sign Here Please'. I think I will .