Boo Hoo

I seem to have a feminine side. Or maybe I'm just a wuss. That's what my friends said growing up. I cry a lot. Ok, not a lot but my fair share at emotional times which is why I like to see chick flicks 'cause there's usually a point I can let loose. One of my favorites is Sleepless in Seattle. I've seen it a lot and EVERY time Tom Hanks (Sam) and Meg Ryan (Annie) meet at the top of the Empire State Building I cry. My heart starts to beat faster when she leaves her fiance at Windows on the World restaurant in the World Trade Center (which is weird now) to go to the Empire State Building, traffic is bad, will she make it? He's rushing to the top to find his son (Jonah)? Will he be there? His son has looked for her fruitlessly all day. Will he leave? Sam gets to the top and,whew, Jonah's there. They head for the elevator. "What are you doing?" my heart says! "Don't go, she's on the other elevator!". I'm always afraid there'll be a rip in the space/time continuam and the movie will some how change and they'll miss each other.Hey, it could happen. So he gets on and the door closes as hers opens and my heart breaks 'cause they missed each other but wait, after an unbearably long time (20 seconds) "ding" goes the elevator, he steps out, walks to the viewing area and they see each other and "poof", it's love! By this time I'm boo- hooing like, well, a girl.


I used to cry in the Adventures in Oddesey radio programs put out by Focus on the Family. Do yourself a favor and listen to them. God speaks.

I think the main reason I cry in movies or while listening to a certain song is I see my Dad. Or His character. His love and kindness are so apparent sometimes even in things that weren't meant to show it. I am just watching and He says "Hey, look, that's Me" and I cry.

At the end of Lord of the Rings there's a part I just well up and can't hold back the tears. You just have to watch for 10 hours to get to it. It's the part where Aragorn is crowned king and as he walks through the people they bow to him, giving honor to the king. As he moves the crowd parts and he stands before the Frodo , Sam, Merry and Pippin , they start to bow and Aragorn says "My friends, you bow to no one". Then he gets on one knee and bows to them and as the camera pans out you see everyone bow as well. By this time I'm sniffling, trying to hold it in if I'm watching with the family ( they always watch me instead of the movie 'cause it's funny to watch dad implode) or just let it all out if I'm alone. Weak. The thing is, I'm not quite sure why I cry here. No one else does. Something in my spirit I guess. Some day I'll know.

There is another movie I cry at. I've actually helped make it. I haven't seen it yet but I know what's in it and I love the actor. He's me. The story of my life wouldn't make much money but might make a good sleep aid.

I haven't had a bad life, quite good in fact compared to many around the world. Too many blessing to recount here and for all of those I an so thankful to my Dad. It's the actor in my life I'm disappointed with. He's lazy and selfish and isn't committed to much but his own comfort. This isn't a bash Mark thing just an honest assessment. I'm a good guy. I have a lot of good qualities and talents, gifts Dad has given me to use for His purpose and glory and I'm happy to use them. Sometimes.

It's those sometimes that bother me though. It bothers me that it's not all the time. And it's in the all the times between the sometimes that I get an understanding of myself. And it's so disappointing. I'm shy and quiet (true) and don't like to take risks. I want ME to be nice and comfy.I don't want to be embarrassed or hurt or thought less of so many times, I do nothing. Shame. I feel like Corporal Upham in Saving Private Ryan (another tearjerker) who let the German soldier up the stairs that killed his fellow soldier. We never know what our inaction leads to do we? I wish I were a better me. I wish I loved my Dad with my whole heart. I have wasted so much time. I'm working that direction though and don't plan to give up. You don't either. Sometimes though, I wish I had someones hand to hold.

I think I know why I cry in Lord of the Rings. It's out of sadness. In 1 Samuel 2:30 God said "I will honor those who honor me". I picture myself in Frodos place and the King stands before me and I want to hear Him say "Well done my good and faithful servant, you honored me and now I honor you" and He takes a knee. But I bow my head and weep in shame 'cause I know it's not true. I was so luke warm. And I weep with gratitude because I stand before my King as a spotless bride because of one who DID love Him and gave himself for Him. I just want to be like Jesus.