Friday, December 23, 2011

A New Year

This is the first blog I've typed on a laptop and it's hard for me to get used to the keyboard. That's why it's taking me so long to type this. In case you were wondering why so slow...

I have a song stuck in my head. Well, really just three words of a song. They say it's a sign of a tired mind when this happens. It's a sign of a SMALL mind when it's only three words. Actually, I don't even know if it was a real song. It was the theme to a TV show- do those count? The Love Boat theme. I watched that show all the time. Fantasy Island too. They came on on Saturday nights which is why I could watch them. All my friends had dates with the fairer sex those nights. Me? I thought it was a good idea to skip the date stuff and watch a shows with a guys named Gopher and Tattoo. Yep. Small mind.

"...Exciting and new...". Those are the words stuck in my head. I guess I had been thinking about the "exciting and new" year coming up and after such a trying year just ending I was being hopeful. Hope springs eternal right?

I've been married 20 some odd years. I say it like this because I never remember exactly how many it really is. I think 27? 28? It's like my kids birthday's. At some point you don't really need to KNOW their age as much as to know what day to give a gift. Same with anniversaries right? I buy chocolates and flowers on February 10th. Or is it the 11th....

Something I noticed in my 20 some odd years is when we get into and argument and it's not ironed out before bed we have to have start from the beginning all over again the next day because I don't remember what we talked about the night before. I feel for my poor wife. I'd like to blame it on being a guy but nah, it's just me.I have a vague memory of the "discussion" but not the emotion or intensity or details of it. Like my life was reset over night and I start all over anew. As if...

It would be great to start over though wouldn't it? There was movie a couple years ago called 50 First Dates in which a lady couldn't remember ANYTHING from the previous day. No worries or hang-ups with our yesterdays, we just move into a bright future. In a way I think we all hope for this on January first. The big reset in our lives each year. It's in vogue to poo-poo new years resolutions and not start anything different. Or instead of resolutions we set "goals" which is laughable. Same thing as far as I can tell. But January 1st is a hopeful time and I'm bound and determined to make some resolutions! So here goes....

-Learn to type. This hunting and pecking is for amateurs. Though I'm doing less and less hunting as the keys seem to be in the same place from day to day.
-Invent a new keyboard. You know how they have those phones for old people with 2 inch wide buttons? I want a keyboard like that, like 3 feet wide so when I give up learning to type next week I'll have something easier to use.
-Exercise more. I have the equipment and the desire. I'd like to have the git up and go to play with the grand kids.
-Eat better
-Eat better
-Eat better
-Wash my wife's car. It's not a fancy car but at least it could clean.
-Deny myself, take up the cross and follow Jesus. At least some. Last year was pathetic

Well, that's enough. I'll be happy if I do a few of them for more than a few weeks. At least until my anniversary on February 10th. ish. I pray that as you enter your new year there is an optimism about life in the coming 12 months. That God will grant you the desires of your heart and that your desires aren't stupid. I'd like to type a bit more but I really got to pee sooo....















Thursday, December 15, 2011

Ohhhh...I Get It!

I see they're re-releasing Star Wars Episode 1- The Phantom Menace in February. In 3-D. I guess that's good news. I say I guess because I'm not sure I really liked it. I am a huge Star Wars fan and it had been 16 years since the last one came out so I was really excited and wanted so bad for this one to be good. And I guess it was good except for one thing. That stupid Jar Jar Binks!

Hummm.....blech.

 That's a lame beginning. I've been wanting to write something for Christmas day to post but it's just not coming together. I had an idea come to mind while watching The Grinch on the 2nd most high holy day of the Christmas season, Black Friday and ever since then I've been rolling it over in my mind and talking to myself to try to get something going. I keep talkin' but I just can't find it. Those homeless people you see talking to themselves as they walk down the street? They're not crazy. Just trying to write a blog.

It was epiphany. That was the thought I had watching the Grinch Who Stole Christmas a couple weeks back. Epiphany is, according to Dictionary.com (does anyone use a paper dictionary anymore?)  "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight  into the essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple or commonplace occurrence, experience or understanding". That's what the Grinch experienced while pulling on his sleigh trying not to let his ill gotten booty cascade over the precipice into the void of eternity. Wow. That was a good sentence. Think I'll save that one and use it when I write something good. "...into the void of eternity...."

Basically the Grinch got it. As the Who's in Whoville sang (what IS that song anyway?) the Grinch had his epiphany and his heart grew 3 times it's normal size, breaking out of the xray measuring box and he lifts the sleigh and returns the whole kit and kabootle to Whoville, repents and gives all the stuff back and is given the seat of honor and gets to carve the roast beast while sitting next to Cindy Lou Who, that's who. Always a happy ending in the cartoons.

The paragraph you're not reading now is about Darth Vader and HIS epiphany which would have tied in nicely with the opening paragraph. sigh...dummy.


Thomas needed an epiphany. You remember him, the one who doubted? He got it. Jesus showed up and stood in front of a guy He'd walked with every day for 3 years who still didn't get it. He held out His hands and told Thomas to touch and see. He did and he did. My Lord and my God Thomas said. That must have felt so good. Jesus said it was good he finally got it but it would have been better if he'd just figured it out  without the touching. I guess I always wanted to be one of the ones who just heard and believed and I think maybe I'm sorta that way but but I'm realizing I some times need to touch His hand.

I want an epiphany for Christmas. To see and feel those nail scared hands. I want to wake up this day and get it. Get that God is real and is worthy of ALL my love, attention and affection. He's worth dying for, worth being made fun of for, worth not being liked for. He is worth having nothing if it meant I could get closer to Him or help others get there too. Epiphany. It's a gift and I want to get it. For my Dad.


Merry Christmas and happy epiphany to you all.

Monday, December 12, 2011

O Christmas Tree

Christmas time! My favorite time of year. For now. Think I'll give it one more year and if we have no money for gifts for a forth year in a row I'm gonna give up on this commercialism bit and go back to worshiping God for His kindness to us. Sigh. The right thing to do for sure but I kinda liked the old getting and giving stuff thing we had going. Ho ho ho and Happy Holidays and all. I only say this stuff so you can see how shallow is the man who types the printed word before you. Run now while you still have a chance!

I watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer the other night. The cartoon, though it's not really a cartoon right? Some sort of puppet or clay-mation thing. I watch that and Santa Clause is Coming to Town (you know, the one with the Burger Meister Meister Burger. Didn't you love to say that name?) And the Little Drummer Boy and Frosty the Snowman. Frosty WAS a cartoon as was the best, Charlie Brown Christmas. Classic!

My heart is sad for the generations who have had the misfortune of growing up after the 70's. VCR's. Yeah I know, right? It ruined all the Christmas shows. I remember carefully studying the TV guide after Thanksgiving to be sure which nights the Christmas shows were on. My shows anyway. I didn't much care for the Lawerence Welk or Andy Williams specials. Back then you got one shot at 'em and if you missed them you had to wait a whole YEAR to see them again. No options there. THAT is what made them special. Now, kids can watch them all year long. A travesty.

We bought our tree this year at Lowes. A real one, not one of those fake thingy's that everyone gets these days. If you have one of those shame on you. Things are made of wood dowels and green pipe cleaners. Some come with their own lights for gosh sakes! Where's the fun in that? Do yourself a favor and toss it out and go get a real one. And don't wimp out and put those mini lights on it, go out and get yourself a dozen strands of the old screw in type lights, you know, the ones that get hot enough to light a tree on fire. That's walking by faith at Christmas time. I think Jesus would like that!

Ok, so I caught Charlie Brown as it was coming on last week and I was really excited but quickly deflated when I found I was watching it alone. No one wanted to see it. The general consensus was "geez dad, grow up". I didn't. I watched and I cried which is what I do when I'm touched. Not THAT kind of touched. Some times God speaks to me though the dumbest things. Like Charlie browns tree.

I've had a pretty rough year this year. If you've read any of my previous ramblings you know I've had a pretty rough this year for 3 years in a row and I'm sorta tired of it. My business is faltering, my health is just fair, sometimes my marriage is a challenge, I'm fat and lazy and I'm beginning to think my male pattern balding isn't a passing faze. And worst of all my walk with Jesus is soooo bad I'm not sure I can keep calling this blog "Stumbling with Jesus". In short, I'm Charlies tree. Pathetic.

In the end though, Charlie Browns tree turned out to be pretty awesome and the kids were so impressed they gathered 'round and sang. I think Charlie felt like HE was the tree, pathetic and a laughing stock and he ran out and missed the whole transforming process that turned the tree into the something special he saw on the tree lot. It surprised a lot of people. Maybe most of all him.

I know God chose me. He saw something in me that was so special He took me home with Him and call me His own and vowed to decorate me into something beautiful that would one day reflect His own beauty and aroma. Oh how often I've run out on the  process thinking I'm ugly and worthless and destined for the curb. Never remembering His promise to make me beautiful and pure. Sometimes, I'm a sad excuse for a son. But a son I am and I hope this Christmas will be special for Him because the tree He saw so much beauty and promise in is willing to let the Master do His best.