fuzzy

Quick...best and worst invention of the 20th century? Too many right answers to that one but I immediately said television. Best and worst. I mean the set, not the industry. If no screen, no computer.no video games. No i-whatevers. It ruined the world my mom said. She's probably right. But you'll have to pry mine out of my cold dead fingers....

Do you remember your first TV? Not the one your parents had but the first one you owned all by your self. I remember mine well because it was free.Some one must have gotten a new set for Christmas and tossed the old one in the dumpster. Nothing ventured nothing gained so in I went and retrieved 25 inch color Magnavox. Worked perfect. I love dumpster diving by the way. Businesses throw away some great stuff. I once found about 50 boxes of Little Debbie Snack Cakes. H e a v e n!! Walmart was remolding about 15 years ago and their dumpster was LOADED! I got a car seat, back packs, office chair and a bunch of other stuff. I was coming out with my third load, about 20 cans of orange and grape soda when this pimply kid with a Walmart vest came to dump some more. I never forget what he said. "Sir, you'll have to get out of the Walmart dumpster please".(I think it was the first time I'd ever been called "sir"). I laughed all the way home.

I used to hear of people stealing cable all the time. Maybe it was the circles I traveled in...Christians. They didn't want people to know they got HBO 'cause there were naked people on it so they some how got it in a nefarious way. God must only know about your habits by looking at your bills. So I have cable. And I pay for it. But it's the basic package so we get like 20 channels. Of those, 5 are shopping, 2 are cspan, 3 others are local junk. I demand more for my $20! And for a while, I was getting it. We got TBS and FX and Fox Sports. There was a problem with the lines on the pole and it some how let those through. Yeah! For about a year and then they recently came through the neighborhood and put in new lines and "poof", no more TBS, FX, Fox Sports. sigh.

Well, I do still get FX. Sort of. I can turn it on to channel 24 and can see a fuzzy, grainy picture. And kind of that roaring sound you get when there's no signal. You can see their actions on the screen through the fuzz and MAYBE hear a word or two. Not much to look at. But I sometimes watch anyway. My mom was right.

It's no secret that I've had a harder start to this year than what I'd have liked. So much for New Years resolutions. Emotionally, spiritually, financially and physically have been such a challenge so far this year that I've felt like giving up and being homeless or something. Just check out. But I can't because I'm a grown up. But I sure do feel like taking my ball and going home. I have a wife to love. Children to take care of. Brothers and sisters who need me in their life. Customers and neighbors who need to see my DAD. So I have to act like a man, to make good and wise decisions. To act other than how I feel. And that is sooo hard.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Boy don't you wish you could get in your time machine and go 10 years into the future and look back at what you're going through now and see why it was necessary and then get back in and come back to now so you could tell yourself not to sweat it because you need this crap so that you will be _______ and a better ______ . I will soon have my machine perfected....

My fuzzy TV reminded me of my life at the moment. I know there's life going on here but it hard to see and understand and I can't change the channel. I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 this week, about love. "A better way" Paul says. He said our knowledge is partial and incomplete and that we see things as through a dirty mirror. Or maybe a fuzzy TV. But we WILL see things with perfect clarity. He said so. So I'm going to wake tomorrow and do my best to love my Dad and those He blessed me with. To press ahead even if I don't feel like it. Even if my magic 8 ball says "the future looks fuzzy...."