I Never

I never thought I'd weigh 250 pounds. I never thought I'd wear a hat to cover a bald spot. I never thought I'd be sore when I rolled out of bed in the morning. I never thought I'd run a business. I never though I'd own a mini van and be ok with it. And I never thought...

28 years ago today I stood in a park that is no longer there and held hands with a woman who still is. I held those beautiful hands and looked deep in those beautiful eyes and when asked I said I do. The sun shined  brighter and a bird song never more pleasant than the words that befell my ears. She did too! Love is a splendid thing.

Mom and dad never told me love was hard. They never said it would rip my heart out. I didn't know love would hurt. I didn't know love has seasons. Does the oak know, when the birds are nesting among its branches, shaded by its leaves of green, that winter is coming? That it must? But stand it must and stand I have to experience the glories of the fairer months and there have been so many. It has been a joy to stand them all with the love of my life.


I love the finger that holds the ring I placed upon it so many years ago. I love the one to whom the finger belongs, the body and the soul. My summer of love continues on into a future unknown and will be with the one I gladly have known. I'm in love can't you see? With the one who makes it a joy to roll this aching balding fat body out of the rack each day to do it all over again and again and again.

They ask if you could, if you would, have a chance to do it all over again, would you make a different choice? I could not, would not for it would mean I would never glance into the eyes of beauty, hear the voice of wisdom, touch her lips of passion. I can not imagine a greater gift from God. I am rich. My wife is Terri Manche, I never thought I could love so much. I never . . . .

A Little Spare Change

I like change . The pocket kind not the life kind . I secretly get excited when I buy something and it comes out a little over a buck . They always ask me if I have the 3 cents so they don't have to give me back a bunch of change . I want to say "Are you nuts? Gimmie the coins!" . I like a little jingle in my pockets .

I see they are coming out with soft drink and snack  machines that don't take coins. You swipe your card or somehow use your phone to get fat now . That's what I need , some method of payment that burns LESS calories . At least there was HOPE when I had to rummage through my pockets for correct change , but now . . . .

I do have a piggy bank at home in case some of my change makes it that far . It used to be a can or a jar but someone gave me one of those banks that counts up the change as it goes in . I'm not really in favor of this because I like the surprise at the end of the year when we see how much was stashed in there . It's usually in the neighborhood of $75 bucks. Back in the day we'd count it all out into piles and start wrapping it in those paper rolls . Some rolls might actually have had the right amount in them . That was back when the kids liked doing things with dad . Now I just go dump it in the machine at Publix . Things do change. . . .

Things DO change don't they? I've always felt like I was a mellow hippy 'cool dude, whatever' kind of a guy who just goes with the flow but I discovered I don't like it so much . Change that is . Anyone who's seen my Facebook posts after Facebook comes up with something new knows I don't like change . A preacher I once heard said if you don't like change you're in for a rough ride . The only thing that doesn't change is change . My life , may be getting bumpier . . . .

I'm a little scared right now . I think I'm on the cusp of change in my life and the future looks really black up ahead . It has to do with my job , as in I don't know if I have one . It's not like I have a boss except for me and I know I'm not firing me but the customers are just not calling . Like humanity has collectively pulled a Donald Trump on me . It's not over yet but it feels like it might be . Some things have happened , odd things , odd thoughts that lead me to think this way and it's got me uneasy . I hope It's God .

I've started looking around out there and I feel small . So few opportunities and so many looking for jobs and careers that it seems like impossible odds. At times like these I look at my short comings and weep . Ok so I look at my short comings MORE than normal . I see my flaws and bad habits and inconsistencies and lack of ability and I think 'who would hire this guy'? and the deeper I look the bigger this flawed man becomes and soon he blots out the loving smile and waiting arms of the immense God behind him . A Dad who wants to lead , guide and prosper me . To use me to build up HIS kingdom and not my own . To be an instrument of His love and kindness . Oh how I long for this . How I want to care . I don't want to be scared. I want to be brave .

What ever my course , be it a little change or a lot , I pray it'll be arm and arm with the One I love and want to love more .