The coolest thing to happen during the school year as a kid was the fire drill. A couple times a year the bells would start ringing and the teacher would say something like "Oh goodness me the fire bells are ringing. Class, in an orderly and quietly manner line up at the door". Right. Amongst chaos and screaming we bolted out the door and ran to the play ground and stood around for a half and hour while they made sure the building was empty. Uhuh. Yeah. Only half the teachers came out to watch over us. The other half were in the teachers lounge smoking cigarettes and passing around the bottle of "Mr. Happy". That's why we had 2 fire drills, so the other half got their shot. Good to be a teacher.
I really did get evacuated once. Not a fire drill but a real live bomb scare. I guess it was a scare 'cause nothing went off. Bummer. How great would THAT have been ?!? On opening night of Raiders of the Lost Ark we were 10 minutes into the movie when the movie stopped and the lights came on and the manager ran down front and said "There's a bomb in the building. In an orderly and quiet manner line up.....". He must have been a former teacher. The place was soon swarming with police and firemen yelling " Please move away from the building to the back of the parking lot". Yep. " In an orderly and quiet manner". Authority. We finally did get to see the movie.
I'm sad today. Sorta. I've been confronted with something again that I haven't changed about myself and I feel like I never will. Though I want to. But not really. Jesus was talking to this guy who had a bunch of stuff and told him to sell it, give the money to the poor and follow Him. The guy said " bummer " and walked away sad 'cause he had so much. He was so close.
I liked the third Indiana Jones movie the most. Sean Connery is the best. The part of the movie I was thinking about today was at the end where they'd discovered which cup Jesus drank from. There was this earthquake and the ground split apart and the cup fell down the hole and landed on a ledge. The lady (Elsa?) dove for the cup and ended up hanging by one hand over the abyss. As she was reaching and stretching for the cup Indy tried to get her to ignore it and grab onto his hand so she could be pulled to safety. She kept reaching for the cup. It meant wealth. And Power. In the end, it cost her too much.
I'm reminded of another movie where someone had something of such value it consumed him. The best CG character of any movie. Gollum. He had this ring and it was so precious to him he forgot about all else, including his own self. Really, he forgot, or ignored, right or wrong and pursued the ring no matter what it cost him. Or others. In the end he did get what he wanted and we watched as both burned into oblivion.
My friend Scott turned me on to this preacher named David Platt today. I'm so blown away and sad. He talked about being so in love with God. Sold out. So much so that the things I can get and have are meaningless compared with knowing Him. So much so that my love for my wife and kids looks like hate. What's that about? I've not been down that path. That's what makes me sad. I fear I never will. I'm so in love with the ring.
When I was in college I wanted to be like that. Maybe I was. Kinda. Sorta. My friend Scott was. And others. I thought of the American Dream as a nightmare. A wife.The house. The garage with 2 cars and bikes for my 2.5 children. My 401k and trips to Disney. Retirement package and a VCR (this was the 80's). All good stuff. Great stuff. All ok things to have unless I hate it in comparison to my love for my Dad.All ok unless I'm not willing to sell it, give the money to the poor and follow my Dad.
Life is subtle. It has a way of sneaking up on you and passing you by before you know it. And one day you wake up and you're the rich young ruler and you wont go where you're led. 'Cause you have a lot of stuff. I am that man. I'm not rich, or young (ooooohh that hurts) or a ruler but I play one on the TV of my life. And I've taught my kids this which is the saddest part for me because I can't have a do over. I've burdened them and others with a life of mediocrity and self love.
Every day is a new day. I pray I have the chance to wake up tomorrow and love my Dad so much that others feel left out in comparison. I hope I will. I hope and pray I'll find someone who'll do it with me. Because I don't know how. Because I'm scared. That's tomorrow. Tonight, I go to bed knowing I've fallen in love with a ring. Tomorrow I hope it's my Dad. Tonight though,I know who I am. I am Gollum.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
puttin' it together
Captain Jack Tate was a fighter pilot in world war II who shot down 13 German fighters. On March 23rd 1945 he and his wing man Captain Ted "Butternut" Thornton were patrolling the sky's west of Berlin when they encountered 4 German Me262's streaking across the horizon. They gave pursuit and engaged them in a dog fight. As they had the element of surprise they quickly shot down two before things got tough.Taken out of play due to a stuck throttle control captain Thornton could only watch as the Me262's got on Capt. Tates tail and began blasting away. Try as he might Capt. Tate couldn't shake them and in the end his P-51 exploded in a ball of fire as it crashed into the earth. Capt. Thornton say's he'll never forget Capt. Tates final words: " Oh god oh god she's gonna blow. Chunk it now! Chunk it now!"
Did you have hobbies as a kid? You know, like stamp collecting, wood burning,beads? I like to build models. Like airplanes, ships, cars and the like. WWII airplanes were my favorite. There was something majestic and sleek about them. And lots of fire power. And bombs. I went to the mall as a kid and they had this display, kind of a show of peoples crafts and hobbies. Glass blowing and wooden knick-knacks, flower arrangements and so on.A group of folks had a display of models they had built. I can't make words come out of my mouth that could explain how real those airplanes looked. Just awesome! They ruined me.
My dad was a typewriter repairman, one of the best. He had so many tools he used to fix those machines. I was always envious of those things. I love tools. I sometimes wonder if I went into business for myself so I would have a reason to buy tools. My dad set me up with a set of tools to build models with. Small files, clamps, pliers, tweezers and so on. I was so enamored with them. They ruined me.
It was so exciting to get a new model. I would look at the box for a long time then open it up and look at all the parts in the box and imagine them going together just so. In my minds eye I'd see this airplane hanging from a thread over my bed. Sweet! I begin to assemble the model with care, paying close attention to each small detail, getting it just right. Back in the day we didn't have superglue so I had to wait overnight for the glue to dry. Which is not good when you're 12 and have no patience. So I would begin to mess with it before the glue was dry and some of the parts would move. Then they wouldn't quite fit right. I'd not pay attention and glue the right part in the wrong place. I'd get in a hurry and not follow the directions, just doing what seemed right. So, what I ended up with is a plane that looked like it was put together by, well, a 12 year old.
There is no Capt. Jack Tate. And not because he died in a plane crash. When I made a model airplane that didn't turn out so well I would have to find a way to get rid of it and what better way than to blow it up with a fire cracker. So I'd put a fire cracker in it and my friends and I would make up a story, fly it around, light it and "oh god, oh god, she's gonna blow. Chunk it now! KA-BLAM!!!!
I think here was my problem. I saw at the mall the possibility of what my plane could look like. And my dad gave me the tools to work with. And I had the instructions. And I knew how to do it. Sort of.I'm a great starter and a great ender but it's the middle parts I have trouble with. When things don't go as well as I'd like them to I start to hurry thru, not paying attention to the details the make all the difference. I get discouraged and become shoddy. I do enough to make it "look like an airplane" but I'm not happy with it. And I just want to quit, blow it up and start over.
My life is like that sometimes. Start something good but end up blowing it up. Marriage, fatherhood, jobs and so on.... . It's that mushy middle part I have a hard time with. And that part is so important and it's the part I can't, you can't, ever give up on. It's hard sometimes and it seems like forever until the "glue dries" and you can move on to the next thing. Because there's a right way. I've got to follow the instructions, use the tools, and make a amazing airplane. And maybe someday I'll get to stop a brother or sister from lighting that fuse on their model and show them a better way...
I will fight through. Will you?
Did you have hobbies as a kid? You know, like stamp collecting, wood burning,beads? I like to build models. Like airplanes, ships, cars and the like. WWII airplanes were my favorite. There was something majestic and sleek about them. And lots of fire power. And bombs. I went to the mall as a kid and they had this display, kind of a show of peoples crafts and hobbies. Glass blowing and wooden knick-knacks, flower arrangements and so on.A group of folks had a display of models they had built. I can't make words come out of my mouth that could explain how real those airplanes looked. Just awesome! They ruined me.
My dad was a typewriter repairman, one of the best. He had so many tools he used to fix those machines. I was always envious of those things. I love tools. I sometimes wonder if I went into business for myself so I would have a reason to buy tools. My dad set me up with a set of tools to build models with. Small files, clamps, pliers, tweezers and so on. I was so enamored with them. They ruined me.
It was so exciting to get a new model. I would look at the box for a long time then open it up and look at all the parts in the box and imagine them going together just so. In my minds eye I'd see this airplane hanging from a thread over my bed. Sweet! I begin to assemble the model with care, paying close attention to each small detail, getting it just right. Back in the day we didn't have superglue so I had to wait overnight for the glue to dry. Which is not good when you're 12 and have no patience. So I would begin to mess with it before the glue was dry and some of the parts would move. Then they wouldn't quite fit right. I'd not pay attention and glue the right part in the wrong place. I'd get in a hurry and not follow the directions, just doing what seemed right. So, what I ended up with is a plane that looked like it was put together by, well, a 12 year old.
There is no Capt. Jack Tate. And not because he died in a plane crash. When I made a model airplane that didn't turn out so well I would have to find a way to get rid of it and what better way than to blow it up with a fire cracker. So I'd put a fire cracker in it and my friends and I would make up a story, fly it around, light it and "oh god, oh god, she's gonna blow. Chunk it now! KA-BLAM!!!!
I think here was my problem. I saw at the mall the possibility of what my plane could look like. And my dad gave me the tools to work with. And I had the instructions. And I knew how to do it. Sort of.I'm a great starter and a great ender but it's the middle parts I have trouble with. When things don't go as well as I'd like them to I start to hurry thru, not paying attention to the details the make all the difference. I get discouraged and become shoddy. I do enough to make it "look like an airplane" but I'm not happy with it. And I just want to quit, blow it up and start over.
My life is like that sometimes. Start something good but end up blowing it up. Marriage, fatherhood, jobs and so on.... . It's that mushy middle part I have a hard time with. And that part is so important and it's the part I can't, you can't, ever give up on. It's hard sometimes and it seems like forever until the "glue dries" and you can move on to the next thing. Because there's a right way. I've got to follow the instructions, use the tools, and make a amazing airplane. And maybe someday I'll get to stop a brother or sister from lighting that fuse on their model and show them a better way...
I will fight through. Will you?
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