"Maybe Ricky will have his blue cats eye marble today. If I can get my shot just right, use the new technique the way he does, it'll be mine". I loved playing marbles. I'm not even sure there were any rules: just draw a circle in the dirt, pile in a handful of marbles and commence to shooting them out. I was ok but Ricky was the champ and he had this cats eye marble that I wanted so bad. Maybe today's the day...."PLINK"!! That was the sound I heard and then "THWAP", my arm jerked backward and then all the kids were surrounding me hugging and giving high 5's. I had caught the softball for the final out and I was the hero. Only I didn't quite know what was going on. I had been playing marbles. In my mind. I had been daydreaming about marbles and barely knew I was standing on 3rd base. It was only by luck that I had been holding my glove open on top of my head and luck that the ball flew right into my glove and stayed there. I,as typical, was clueless.
What do you say to a brother or sister who knows the truth but it doesn't seem to work for them? I've been there. Beset with sin and crying out for God to save me, deliver me, but get nothing from the heavens. Or experiencing the aloneness of a dark universe when I'm going through a tribulation that no one has ever experienced.Or so it seems. Then I look at others living the victorious Christian life, conquering all the fiery arrows of hell and smiling all the while, and I'm thinking "I hate Baptists". Well, not really. I am one. Sorta. It seems so hollow to say "I'll pray for you" when they've lost their job, their spouse has left or their house burned down. But I do and I'm sure they appreciate it but back in the recesses of their mind it feels like "what good will prayer do?". I've felt that way. I've felt like God's not real. Or He doesn't really care. I have felt like just walking away. So what do you do with someone like this?
It's amazing what a shot in the arm it is when you get praise heaped upon you for doing something. I came home from the softball game feeling like I was Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and Joe DiMaggio all rolled into one. I came home and told my family what had happened on the field of play that day (the daydreaming part can remain between you and me) and insisted that my dad come out after supper and play catch. We did this for quite a few days and then one day as the ball was thrown I stuck out my glove and..... Ever see a tennis player swing at a ball and miss and then they look at their racket and pick at the strings as if they're "moving" the strings back to cover the huge hole the ball must have gone through? Couldn't be that they just missed could it? I looked at my glove, looking for the huge hole the ball must have come through. The ball that was now laying on the ground under my nose which was now bleeding copious amounts of blood. I didn't play much ball after that.....
I think I want to start a prayer meeting with some friends. Maybe a Tuesday or Wednesday morning. I love so many of the people in my life and want to be a part of their lives. I want to rejoice with them. I want to cry with them. To walk with them. I want to be a friend. My life is so busy though. I've found I'm very selfish with my time and realize my life is about me mostly and that's so sad and I'm ashamed. I want to call people, to talk and let them know I care. I want to. But I don't. I have reasons. I have a hard time thinking of things to talk about. I have a bad memory and forget things about people so when I talk sometimes there these painful dead spots in the conversation while I'm trying to dredge things up in my brain. Of course there is the ever present television to occupy my time. Or the computer (never thought I'd say that). Just excuses.
3rd base is my place in life. I guess we all have a position to play and it's important to be there. Sometimes life comes at us and we make the catch - even if we aren't paying attention. Sometimes we get a bloody nose. You can't walk away or give up, like I've done so many times. Or let your team mate take his ball and go home. We ARE a team. I like what the writer of Hebrews says:" See to it brothers that none of you has an unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily as long as it's called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness". So well said. Mostly I don't think I play 3rd base well but I'll get up each day and take my place and ,good or bad, at least my DAD will know I'm trying....
