Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Pointing Fingers

Is it called the fore finger 'cause it's forth in line?

Funny . I looked at my hand and it was the second finger because when someone tells you to look at your hand you look at the top . That would be the hairy side men . But if I ask you to count to five you flip it over and you count from your pinky over don't you . And it is the forth , but , if you count to ten you start on the left hand thumb and go to the right in which case the fore finger is the ninth finger and nine is an interesting number . It's the number at which I  realize how many donuts I've just eaten out of the box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts  and how I may as well go for the whole dozen  then hide the empty box from the  family because, well , I just ate a dozen donuts . . . and I have no idea what all that had to do with my original thought which was "Wow that's a huge booger on my fore finger" and that " that's mostly what I use this finger for " . Well , that and shaking hands .

"There's the guy I was telling you about" the wife says .
"Which one?"
"In the green " she whispers intently . ''And flip flops . Buffets should have a limit . . .''.
"Oh , with receding  hair?" he ask as he points to the man .With a sushing sound and ninja reflexes she knocks his hand down and with a whisper that's really a shout (you men know what I'm talking about) says "Don't point Harvey . It's rude!"
''Yikes and ok Myrtle. For gosh sakes I just wanted to be sure who it is we're about to gossip about'' . Their hearing aids musta been turned down . It wasn't gossip . I heard them fine . . .

We have gone and are going through a rough patch these last 3 months or so . After a diagnosis of breast cancer in January Terri has had 4 surgeries to remove the cancer and clean things up . She is , thank you Jesus , now cancer free .  That is a lot to go through and while not a brain transplant , 4 times on the operating table will suck the life out of you . My poor wife .

 And all the poorer because of me I'm afraid . When people have asked me about her I say something along the line of "she's handling it well " or " in a little pain " or " she's real tired . . . but things are ok ". I think I've tried to minimize it because it wasn't brain surgery . And maybe worse , social media world that we live in , people don't get a chance to ask because I post something on Facebook .  And I can tell you if the person posting is a certain husband you probably should call the wife or daughter to get the real story . A 50 word blurb on Facebook is a poor substitute for conversation . I have done her a disservice I think . The truth is , she's flat worn out . So tired .

We were having a conversation in bed the other night . I always assumed those long stretches of silence meant the convo was over but she has this gift of being able to know right when I'm falling asleep to say something else . " Nobody has called ".  zzz . . ." whaa . . .?"  She punches my shoulder . " You never listen . How come nobody called to check on us?" Because your husband's been telling everyone you're doing fine ."Joan called" I reminded , though that was 2 weeks ago . I rolled over after another period of silence thinking of sleep . Then I was thinking about why no one called . I pondered this because I hadn't noticed . I wondered if she felt hurt . It made me upset as I thought about it and I wanted  to point a finger at someone and say "What gives . Not even a call" ?

My mom always said that when you point a finger at someone there are three pointed back at you . Because I had the IQ of a sack of hammers it took me a while to get this . Point you finger and look at your hand . Uh-huh . Like I said it took me a while .

So I looked at the fingers pointing back at me . And here is what those three fingers were telling me the next morning :
- When people ask how it's going I should be aware enough of my own life and that of my family to tell them whats up .
- Tell them the truth . Mostly I tell it like it is if you ask but sometimes gloss over hardship to make it sound like I can handle things even when I can't . We don't really want to burden others do we ? But most folks ask for a reason . They genuinely care and want to help .
- Don't just go to church .  Be church . We haven't been to home group in over a year . That's where the relationships are . That's where things get done .We're just not connected like we used to be .
- Just do something . We've had a few people say 'If you need anything. . . . ' or ' If we can do something just ask  . . .' which is great and something I say all the time and we all really mean it but I'm finding those in need don't usually ask . They're embarrassed . They don't want to be a burden . They don't want to put you out . So just show up and mow their yard or grab their kids for a play date . Make dinner . Come over and fold laundry together . You get the idea .
- MAKE A PHONE CALL !  . I'm the champion of "I was gonna call . . ." Even 2 minutes makes a difference . A text , email or Facebook post is almost as good . It feels good to know you are thought of .
- Ask around for people in need . Seek people out . Some can use what you've got .
-Mostly I learned you should always ask the wife .

I could go on . I want to be better . I'm not really mad at anyone . Disappointed , maybe a little but at no one in particular . I understand and honestly I may be my own worst enemy . Maybe it just getting to the point where people are too busy and too spread out to be able to connect . Maybe I'm too rapped up in my own American dream to care about yours . I feel it's all too true about me .

sigh . . . stumbling indeed . . . .