Riveting

I like to watch skyscrapers being build and I remember footage of the Empire State Building being built and the thing I was amazed with is the men walking on the steel girders hundreds of feet above the ground - no safety belts, no safety nets! Real men. I was amazed watching the men rivet the girders together. One would toss a red hot rivet to another guy who jammed it in a hole and another guy would put a rivet gun on it and pound it home. They were so fast. No fear, like they were standing on solid ground. I don't think they do it that way now but back in the day that's how you joined two different pieces of steel together. That hot rivet being pounded in with such force caused the two to become as strong as if it were one piece.


I went to bed early the other night which is against my rule as an adult. When I was a kid my mom made me go to bed at 8:00, weekends too! Seriously? 8:00? I hated it and vowed that when I grew up I'd never go to bed early. She was so unfair. I was so glad when I graduated. Yep, all grown up. Now I stay up as late as I want. Later than I want 'cause now I WANT to go to bed at 8:00. Don't you hate being old?

Actually, as an parent I love the idea of the kids going to bed early. Home at 5, feed 'em , play with 'em, bath 'em, read a book and in the sack at 8:00. We did that for quite a while but when my son started shaving he said he thought he could probably handle the rest too. sigh... . Well now they are up 'till all hours and WE have to go to our room at 8:00! Payback. I'll be glad when they're gone. Then I wont have to worry about being caught in my tighty whities during my 2 a.m. snack run! I think the 2 a.m. snack run is why my whities is tighty.

I think I talked myself into a bad mood 'cause my wife didn't wife like the books say's my wife should wife. Don't you hate that guys? You finally read the book and it makes sense, " put tab "A" into slot "B", connect blue wire to terminal and PRESTO your wife will....." only she doesn't. Makes me wish wives were like a Chrysler. Troubles yes but once you've fixed it you always know what to do to fix it again. Women? Not so much. A splendid mystery.

So we were having a , uh...discussion, and I didn't like the answer or where the conversation was headed (I really don't remember) so I did what a lot of guys do. I ran away. And went to bed. At 8:00. None of that take the bull by the horns and solve the issues for me. No sir. I come from the take your ball and go home people. So I did. Weak.


We are reading a book together and one of the chapters talks about differences in personalities (like she's a talker, he's a wallflower, He's a morning person, she's a night owl, etc...) and how to see them as necessary qualities to make you stronger, not something to drive you apart. Nice to know. Sometimes hard to achieve. It's kind of like riveting those two pieces of steel together- sometimes I get this red hot rivet jammed into my life and it gets pounded into place and it hurts. And I just want to run away. Or go to sleep. But I don't. Well, I did but YOU don't! You are becoming one, a stronger piece with your spouse and if you don't endure the hardship you are weaker for it and you may collapse and pull down those who are connected to you.

I love my wife and I'm so much the better person because of her. There's a line from a movie that ought to go here, "You complete me" or "You had me at hello" or something like that. Just how I feel. I have a good life, far better than I deserve and I'm thankful. My Dad is so nice to me. I'm not always glad for the work He does in me but know it's necessary. He loves me. I'm His boy! I hope to someday grow up to be just like Him.

Sometimes

Sometimes I just sit here in front of the screen with my fingers poised over the keys expecting magic to pour out of my brain (hasn't happened in 46 years but I'm an optimist). I feel so much emotion inside and think if I could just write about it it would feel like you feel when you've held your breath under water as long as you could and you come up for that first sweet taste of air. But I got nothing. Or maybe I've got too much. So many thoughts buzzing around I can't latch on to one to write about. I have things I'd like to say but just can't. Boundaries. So I think for now I'm gonna stop writing. Work my way out of my funk, get happy and start over. Bye for now.

Couldn't care less......

I was just lonely tonight and wished I had a friend to talk to. Life's been a bit of a downer of late, one of those hard parts of life momma and daddy told me there would be. Having a hard time loving my wife . My kids. My neighbor. A hard time at my 9 to 5. Less hair and more weight. Out to lunch sign on Gods door. Sigh.......

I've noticed my blogs have a woe is me tone to them. Like my life is full of problems and I just whine and complain. I guess maybe. I really am at heart a happy person and try to be content no matter the situation but sometimes life just gets to you. And in those times I wish I had someone to talk to or go bowling with and I was just lamenting that I had no one like this. I have lots of friends just no ....friends.

I think a lot about calling friends just to chat for just a minute, to make sure they're ok but I never pick up the phone. I figure they're too busy. We all are right? Yep. Just too busy. I let myself get so busy that I can't "encourage one another" like the writer of Hebrews says "so that we aren't hardened by sins deceitfulness". I think I've been hardened. Maybe that's the wrong word. Maybeeee....changed. Changed from who I was or was becoming into being something useless. Like salt that's lost it's saltiness. Just what the world needs.

So many great and wonderful things and people are here because of problems, times of hardship and difficulty. Is there anyone great that didn't have to cross that bridge of failure and discouragement? Out of the ashes of so many failures and heart break have risen great men and women who have changed the world and I wonder if there had been no one there to pick them up and dust off their clothes and said "go get 'em" would the world be worse off? Or how much better would the world be if those who would have been great fell into obscurity because no one smiled and offered a hand up. We never know do we?

Some days I get it right, some not so much. I think most days I'm just lost in my ADHD hazed mind and don't care much. I want to, I just don't. Maybe this goes away when I get older. When does older start? I guess what I'm saying is I want to care. About my Dad. My wife. My kids. You. Pray for me. I'll pray for you. If I learn to care.